Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

I am essay - being a baseball player and being a guitar player

go cardinals 1 / -  
Sep 14, 2008   #1
hows the essay, I need more to talk about:

The two most important things to me are being a baseball player and being a guitar player. In between schoolwork, working on my swing, and working out, I play guitar. Everything I do revolves around baseball. After that, I make music just for fun. I play in a band. We pretty much just practice and play whatever we want. I'm the young one. They call me "Gadget," because of all of the "Gizmo's and Gadgets" I bought with my own money this summer. I have bought everything from a new amp, new acoustic, and 9 new harmonicas to a Talk Box (not to mention a lot of accessories). I play along with the nickname. I'm writing a song called "Gizmo's and Gadget's." I also play harmonica. I have other obsessions as well. Guitar is second in my life. Number one is baseball. Well, most people call it obsessions. I don't. I believe that if I'm not the best, then I'm a failure - "if your not first then your last." People may say that my dreams are impossible. In fact, I hear that a lot, but as my PE coach once told, "think big or you will be small." I try to live by this. If I don't try to be the best, then I never will be the best. I focus on the future and not on the now.

I need about 1 1/2 more pages

EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Sep 14, 2008   #2
Your essay is disorganized. Try taking one subject at a time, discuss it, and then move on to the next item. For instance, talk about baseball first, then guitar playing, then your drive for perfection. Try and include examples of each of your items to make sure you are effectively communicating with your reader, and your word count will quickly multiply.

Home / Writing Feedback / I am essay - being a baseball player and being a guitar player