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It has become an issue of whether it is more beneficial to travel in our own country or not

radish327 1 / 1  
Jul 28, 2020   #1

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In contemporary society, it has become an issue of whether it is more beneficial to travel in our own country or not. People's opinions vary from person to person. Some claim that we can get more benefits from traveling to foreign countries, however, others hold the opposite view. As far as I'm concerned, I would prefer the viewpoint that it is better to travel abroad for a spectrum of reasons.

Firstly, we can improve our foreign language proficiency. It must be the best opportunity for us to learn a language in this way since we put ourselves in a place where we have got to speak the local language or we cannot communicate with others, and this is the key to learning a language. To illustrate my point, the experience of traveling abroad alone can be cited as an example. I went to Canada in my sophomore year for a trip. One of the reasons that I went there is to learn English. I pushed myself to have a chat with others and engaged in local activities. In the middle of the trip, I found out that I have an astonishing improvement in my English ability. I can speak English fluently with no accent and I got their point what they said in conversation.

Additionally, we can broaden our horizons. Since it is difficult for us to fully realize the foreign culture just by watching TV or reading the news, we have to go there and merge into the local life. It reminds me of an example that matches my idea to the fullest extent. I went to China in my freshman year. Before I went there, I had no idea why they ate spicy food. I initially thought that it is because they like to eat spicily. However, after this trip, I finally understood that they eat spicy food because of the local wet and scorching environment.

In conclusion, I believe that we gain more from having a trip abroad. This is because we can strengthen our foreign language proficiency and because we can expand our horizons.
Ngocnguyen777 2 / 3  
Jul 28, 2020   #2
I think your essay totally clear to keep trace with. However, just from my point of view, although it required to explain whether you agree or disagree, this type of "Agree or Disagree" should be illustrated by using General items related to the topic. It's fine to include your personal experience, but It would make yours lessen convincing and persuasive. One more thing, "As far as Im concerned," should be used only in oral language, try not to lay it in your essay. Thank you for reading my comment.
sarinburritos34 2 / 2  
Jul 29, 2020   #3
The essay content is really good. Few sentences can be rephrased since they sounded very causal and conversational. "I went to China in my freshman year" can be "During my freshman year, I visited China".
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,647 3480  
Jul 29, 2020   #4
Do not use the phrase "spectrum of reasons" because you are only allowed to present 2 reasoning paragraphs in this essay. You should be saying either "due to 2 specific reasons" or "a couple of reasons". Both of which refer to the number of reasoning paragraphs you will be presenting. A "spectrum" refers to several reasons, which you cannot present in this essay.

You have written 348 words for this essay. Way more than the maximum 290 word requirement. You would most likely go over the 40 minute writing allowance for this essay. The best way to ensure that you meet the maximum presentation requirement would be to make sure that you always write within 3-5 sentence only with every paragraph. This is the formatting requirement for this type of essay. 4 paragraphs, each paragraph with 3-5 sentences each. You will definitely score well when you follow that format. The concluding statement should be better presented. Use a summary format for that paragraph. Summarize your previous topic and discussion points. That is the information required in that section, that is why it is called a concluding summary.
bdmqnh 7 / 16 5  
Jul 29, 2020   #5
Your essay is relatively good! I can deeply understood what idea you are presenting in a clear way. However, as @Holt said above, your essay is too long while it is not strongly persuasive and you don't have time to stick to the end, if you take the real test. My suggestion is that you should shorten your examples and make it more concise.
OP radish327 1 / 1  
Jul 29, 2020   #6
@Ngocnguyen777 @sarinburritos34
Hi, thank you for your advice! I will improve the way you provided to me.
Huong22082001 1 / 3  
Jul 30, 2020   #7
Your essay is good, but it is too long and the explanations is not clearly in the second reason.

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