How to become successful in sports?

Hi everyone!
I am preparing Ielts, I would be grateful if sone one can evaluate my essay.

Topic:

Some people believe that to become successful in sports one should have a natural talent. Others think that perseverance and practice are a crucial part to success. Discuss both views and give your own opinions

A genious is 1% talent with 99% sweat

With the help of modern technology, we can always watch various sport programmes around the world as entertainment purpose. The successful athletes such as Christiano Ronaldo, the famous soccer legend, seems becomming closer to us. Some people think that talent is the key factor for professonal sport players to success. However, there are some opposers argue that hard working is the only critical concern for champions to achieve a sophisticated sport career. In my point of view, I agree with the latters as follows.

Nobody will critisize on the importance of potentials. Many well known artists were found their ability on childhood. Nevertheless, a person with ability can only be ascertain a good fundation of career, to be succed in every aspect require long time practice. It is impossible to acquire new skill just after learnt it. Every sport technique takes time and progress for mastering. You may get fail for many times on practising until you use it in a real match.

Some people may claim that many marvelous players are genious from the beginning of their career. That's true, but we should never forget the so called sport talents are physical conditions only. To be a skillful players, mental and phychological conditions are also important. There is no express to improve phychological conditions such as stress handling and pain overcoming but plenty of time to practise.

To conclue, a sport player with talent is easy to get succed, but no players can be successful without passion and hard working. As Albert Enstinane said" A genious is 1% talent with 99% sweat."

@alexyale
Hi there. I'll be providing you with feedback on your essay. I hope that this will somehow help you improve your writing. Wish you the best of luck as well in your IELTS!

First and foremost, I recommend that you try to make concise your language. Especially when you are looking at the thesis statements of your essay, you should attempt to cut down excessive language tones. Take a look at your introductory paragraph. You can make a simple structured sentence in order to have a more effective written technique that'll relay your message with ease.

Furthermore, try to be clearer with the way that you articulate. Take, for instance, the second paragraph. The first sentence does not link well with the second one, making it quite difficult to comprehend the entirety of your text. Try to be more accurate with the way you reiterate.

Try to also utilize examples that are bolder in the long-run. Concrete examples should have as much detail as possible with them, ensuring that readers do not deal with purely hypothetical content when you are writing.

Best of luck as always.