Angga, keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the idea you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system. So the following still needs work.
In conclusion, it is clear that... I believe that moral... I hope in the future...
Now, for a breakdown of your grammatical errors, with corrections applied.
children is often
are
it influence the student's personality.
influences
a prestigeous institutions will be raised
prestigious institutions / a prestigious institution
than those who starts school at older age
start
Unfortunately, spellings are actually the things that you have to reduce it as low as possible, or make it even there is no spelling errors. I am afraid that it will be your habitual mistakes in the future, so please be more aware.
spelling errors, (thismanner - this manner), (societydue - society due), (abou - about), (In conclusion,it - In conclusion, it), (scool - school), (childhod - childhood), (imporant - important).