Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
Home-based education - pros & cons
Nowadays, majority of parents, specially in developing and under developed countries support the idea that children should get education at their home rather than educational institutes where as few believe that schools are indispensable. In my opinion, school plays an important role in students' overall growth. It provides opportunities to acquire knowledge from expert teachers and prepare students to survive in competitive world. However, Home-based education system creates an environment where children could be trained on specific skills only.
Firstly, schools provide a platform where students are able to access best resources for their academic growth. Moreover, availability of subject matter experts assists children to learn advanced skills which could boost their professional efficiency. For example Apollo school, the best school in Delhi, every year invites doctors and engineers from USA to deliver seminar in the field of physics and biotechnology.
Secondly, School-based education system develops competitive capabilities. At the end of the day children have to survive in ruthless world and struggle to get get a job or admission in foremost colleges. Therefore, learning from childhood in schools develops such traits through which children not only could analyze competition but also device strategy to obtain results in their favor.
In contrast, education at home has its own merits. It provides a controlled environment where children could acquire specific skill set without any distraction. Majorly, business families support such system and believe child should learn only business related knowledge, at home and this would save significant amount of money that would incurred in tuition fees.
In conclusion, though Home-based education is cost effective and less distractive, but schools are the vital source of knowledge where children learn to compete and supervision of experts evolve their thinking power.
1. Nowadays, many parents, specially in (...) countries, support the idea (...) rather than at educational institutes ... ---> (1) 'majority' is NOT the subject in the sentence, but 'parents' are (2) without the comma, the sentence is incompleted. (3) wrong comparison
2. ... and less distractive,
but schools are the vital source ... ---> you could only use either 'though' or 'but'
There are other mistakes should be fixed.
1. ... engineers from USA to
deliver seminar in the field of ... ----> 'held seminars'
School-based education system develops competitive capabilities. ---> school-based education system CANNOT DEVELOP any capabilities. You indicate the wrong meaning.
3. ... and believe that child should learn ... In addition, the home-based education system would save significant amount ...
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Ankush, regardless of whether you are writing an essay for the IELTS or TOEFL test, the main requirement for these tests is that your opening statement must accurately represent an understanding of the discussion topic and instructions from the original prompt . What you wrote though is considered a direct discussion of the topic presented without any outline or accurate retelling of the prompt. You deviated so much from the original information that you could have accidentally written about a different essay altogether if you weren't careful enough. Let me show you how this should have been done:
When it comes to the education of a child, a parent is faced with 2 options. The first, is that the child can be taught at home since there are people who believe that this would be best for the child's overall development. The other choice, is for the child to go to school. Both educational ideas have its advantages. In this essay, I will present what the advantages are for each option and then, I will give my opinion regarding the discussion based upon examples from my personal experience or knowledge.
By using an accurate representation of the original prompt, I was able to present a clear and interesting paraphrase of the original prompt. I used the opportunity to impress the reviewer with my lexical resources and I also presented enough complex sentence structures to garner an impressive GRA score right from the very start of the essay. This is the aim of the opening paragraph and this is what you have to deliver.
Your paragraph discussions are not really informative. You only present reasons but do not explain the basis of these information. As such, you did not accurately depict the requirement that requires relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. This is the sort of essay that asks you to consider, "If I were the child who is in school, which method of study would I prefer and why?" Once you know the answer to the question on a personal basis, you will be able to more accurately respond to and discuss the prompt.
Note that you are only being asked to discuss the advantages of each learning style in the essay. So there is no requirement for you to discuss the disadvantages as you did in this essay. However you could present an opposing point of view by starting off the paragraph with the term "I believe" or "I oppose" to signify that you are stating your own opinion at that point, even if it runs counter to the prompt discussion.