Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 3

Some believe that computers are the most valuable invention in the late 20th and early 21st century


Crazy Snake 2 / 6  
Feb 10, 2021   #1

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years

.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Many people believe that computers are the most valuable inventions in the late 20th and early 21st century. I absolutely agree with the statement.

For one thing, computers help us communicate with other people from all around the world without the restriction of place. It means that citizens could share and exchange information with people from distinct areas faster and easier. It could effectively minimize the fake news a misunderstanding caused by in-transparented information amongst cities and countries. Moreover, citizens can inspect their governments more successfully, because they could get more reliable news from other countries. It is a helpful way to combat corruption and dictatorship.

I could not imagine the world without computers. They construct the modern world we lived in. A huge amount of information in industrial sectors as well as are in the personal lives are stored on serves. In terms of business, computers assist companies by making their staffs more productive. For example, employees could use excel to makes statistics without a huge amount of counting. As regards personal lives, computers also become a vital tool in several sectors, such as the controlling system of railways, banking, electricity, the arithmetic system of shopping carts.

Moreover, the excellent counting ability of computers has accelerated the development of sciences massively. They shorten calculation time and calculate unlimited possibilities. Its ability can be used in many fields. For example, computers can calculate the boundary of the universe within minutes, while humans need to use months and years to get the answers.

In summary, computers become an essential part of human modern life, thus there is a high chance that world development would severely regress without the advent of computer technology. The invention of computers has not only paved the way for a more equitable world but make people' lives more possible.

Please help me with my logic, Thank you so much~~~
@Crazy Snake

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,317 3353  
Feb 10, 2021   #2
You absolutely agree with the statement without giving a thesis statement to support your point of view. That makes your presentation incomplete. There is no standard for your opinion as it is presented. It does not reference the discussion topics that will be presented to expand on your point of view. This is only a 4 paragraph essay. Do not over discuss it. It is not a comparison essay with a personal opinion. It is just a personal opinion statement. So, it is first person pronoun all the way.

You are overusing logic in your presentation. Learn to present clear and effective opinions using only 2 solid discussion points. You could have omitted that redundant presentation within the first 2 reasoning paragraphs. You only have to explain once. You do not need to overemphasize your reasoning for the same topic in 2 paragraphs. Each paragraph needs to have a different discussion focus.
OP Crazy Snake 2 / 6  
Feb 13, 2021   #3
@Holt
I rewrote the essay, is it better? THANK You~

Many people are positive that computers are the most valuable inventions in the late 20th and early 21st century, while many others do not think so. I absolutely agree that computers are the greatest invention for the past century according to two main reasons of the statement that will be addressed in the essay.

For one thing, computers have almost made the foundation of all modern technology which construct the modern world we lived in. I could not imagine the world without computers. A great deal of information in personal lives sectors as well as are in the personal lives are stored on serves. In terms of business, computers assist companies by making their staffs more productive. For example, employees could use excel to make statistics without a huge amount of counting. As regards personal lives, computers also become a vital tool in several sectors, such as the controlling system of railways, banking, electricity, the arithmetic system of shopping carts.

For another thing, computers not only help people to improve our lives with the material aspects but also be used to uphold human rights since the day they birthed. In the era before the mobile phone was invented, when sending mails was still common, computers help us communicate with other people from all around the world without minutes. It means that citizens could share and exchange information with people from distinct areas faster and easier. It could effectively minimize the fake news a misunderstanding caused by in-transparent information amongst cities and countries. Moreover, citizens can inspect their governments more successfully, because they could get more reliable news from other countries. It is a helpful way to combat corruption and dictatorship.

In summary, computers have become an essential part of human's modern life; thus, there is a high chance that world development would severely regress without the advent of computer technology. With being the milestone of high tech and paving the way for an equitable world, computers are the most priceless inventions in a hundred years.


Home / Writing Feedback / Some believe that computers are the most valuable invention in the late 20th and early 21st century