Some people believe educating children rather than forcing them to work, could yield enormous benefits for developing nations. Firstly, educating children yields substantial revenue to the economy of developing nations through tax payments. For instance, children who receive early childhood education usually do better in school, progress into higher institutions, graduate with good degrees, and in turn get better jobs. These children, now of the working class, spend their wages and pay certain percentage as tax. However, children who were forced to work at their tender age, often end up as inferior entrepreneurs or apprentices. These people are often tax defaulters: making the government loose much due revenue. Furthermore, child education in developing countries is a preferred option by some people. They believe that, there will be more professionalism and transparency in the management of the nation's resources unlike when it is being governed by people who were deprived from preliminary education and only cares about their well-being. To sum up, educating children, rather than subjecting them to child labour, empowers developing nations and improves their income strength.
This is 10% of my module this term, so please can anyone help me spot any of the following and insert the correct thing where necessary:1. Grammatical error 2. Punctuation error 3. Word choice error 4. Wrong word order 5. Sentence structure 6. Subject and verb agreement error (wrong pluralization) 7. Redundant/irrelevant words. And if it requires you to rephrase any part of the paragraph note the word count(150-175 words)
them to work, could yield ... They believe that, there ... To sum up, educating children, rather than subjecting them ...
The red commas are not needed. Also think of something else to say rather then 'to sum up', to make it sound more professional.
Thanks dude, well spotted. It made more sense without those commas :)
No problem :) and thank you for helping me with mine! your idea to change everything to 'will' made it seem so much more confident.
However, children who were forced to work at their tender age, often end up as inferior entrepreneurs or apprentices.
I see a potential flaw with this essay. You are acting as though one cannot educate the child and also let the child work. When you refer to Early Childhood Education, it is about when the child is 5 years old and younger. When children are working, it is when they are a little older than that, I think. So.. even though I agree with you, I think it is necessary to clarify a little more.
:-)
