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Some believe that sending students to working for unpaid community service should be required

ANh2413 1 / -  
Jun 7, 2021   #1

Unpaid community service as a compulsory part of high school program

Some believe that sending students to working for unpaid community service should be required in high school. I completely agree with this idea as it plays an important role in their life and teenagers can gained a range of useful things.

Firstly, it is a fascinating opportunity to gain soft skills such as communication and teamwork skills, which would be a significant foundation to extend their relationship as well as promoting opportunities in the future. Obviously, they would not only work independently but be excellent teamwork, which jointly makes them be outstanding.

Secondly, being a young volunteer will create more chances for the student than other competitors. Volunteer experience will not only an asset on their CV but also enhances their potential abilities. Nowadays, universities tend to receive the candidate who excels both studying and volunteering than bookworm students. The more chances they get, the more abilities they show and devote.

Finally, charity work helps them foster their creativity and compassion with others that contribute to creating good people for society. Young people may discover their strengths or their true dream and interests through charity programs so that they could determine the right career for their life. furthermore, by nurturing their compassion soon, they can avoid social evils and dedicate totally abilities.

In conclusion, my view is that students should be sent to charity community service as soon as high school that benefits themselves as well as our society
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,933 3567  
Jun 8, 2021   #2

Ooops! You started the sentence in current time reference, then suddenly went into past reference. That is a GRA error. Be consistent with your time reference. You did a very good job in presenting your opinion and opinion reason though. So you saved your TA and C + C score in this case.

but be excellent teamwork

Incorrect grammar and word usage affecting your LR and GRA grade.
Corrected: ... but DEVELOP teamwork...

Finally, charity work

Over discussion. This is only a 4 paragraph essay. This paragraph will no longer help increase your score. Don't worry, no deductions will be applied since it still targets the same discussion point.

The conclusion in a bit incorrectly formatted as it represents a run-on. You are still scored on clarity and cohesiveness in this section so use at least 2 sentences to represent the summarized discussion.

You present a solid understanding of the topic and present convincing reasons. Although there will be some score deductions, you will not fail the test.

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