Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Some people said that new technology is positive and the other think it effect to negative with them.
People have always been worried about the impact when new technology is introduced. For instance, business people are worried about profits since a new technology can make their company obsolete. Yet, progress itseft isn't negative. The positive or negative impact of technology results from how it is uesd. One recent development in technology, the Internet, has both positive for society since it enables us to communicate more easily, save time, and save money.
One way that the Internet benefits society is that people can much communicate more easily. This is because email and instant messaging have spent a month studying English in America. Even though I went by myself, I wasn't homesick at all. I was able to send emails every day to my family and friends, and I could see my family as I talked with them, which is much better than just talking over the phone.
Another reason is that the Internet saves people time. To be more specific, people are able to get the information they need much money quickly. For instance, my dad told me that when he was young, it took him an hour to get to the library. Thus, when he needed to study, he would waste nearly the entire day traveling to and from the library to get the material he needed. In contrast, I can use the Internert and get the information I need in a matter of minutes.
The final reason is that the Internet saves people money. This is because people can shop online to purchase their goods. To illustrate this, thick of a traditional store. The shopkeeper has to rent a large store in a nice neighborhood to attract customers. The money he spends on rent and his employess's salaries is recovered by charging more for the products. Yet, if the shopkeeper sold his goods online, he wouldn't have to worry about those costs and so would be able to charge much less. Thus, both the customer and the shopkeeper are able to save money by shopping online.
For these reasons, I believe that society has been helped by the invention of the Internet. As the Internet spreads and becomes more common, its importance to people's live can't be overstated. But the Internet isn't a right, and not all people are able to access the Internet. Thus, the gulf the conscious efforts to ensure that technology and education are made available for all people.
I really liked how you attacked this essay; your examples and methodical approach were good.
Um one thing that I did notice was that your sentences seem too short. One way to make your writing sound more mature is to write longer, flowing sentences. I mean you can write shorter ones to prove a point, but if all your sentences are the same type, your essay won't sound professional.
Vary your sentence styles :)
People have always been worried about the impact whenever any new technology is introduced.
I guess you are preparing for TOEFL or IELTS according to how your topic sounds :) If so, you need to improve the structure of your introduction. In the intro, first introduce the background of the issue. You can do this by simply paraphrasing your prompt. Then state your own opinion directly.
One way that the Internet benefits society is that people can much communicate much more easily with its help.
Well, you say that the Internet has made communication easier, but the example you are citing is not really supporting that idea. Rather it is not so clear as to how it is connected with the reason you are highlighting.
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1,208 
476 For instance, my dad told me that when he was young, it took him an hour to get to the library.
I think this example is still general. Use journalistic questions to construct your
specific example, by asking: how many? what? when? who? result?
