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IELTS Task II : Do you believe studying hard will bring better life, Agree disagree


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 17, 2014   #1
Does good exam result at a school or college do guarantee success in life? Discuss the advantages that a good education can have on your future. Do you believe that studying hard will bring a better life?

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The outcome of tough study process is related to the economic prosperity. However, this view leads people to think that outweigh of good education is the way to hold better life. While it is true I believe that bright future is not only caused by hard study process.

Firstly, in the 21st century high standard in exam result is the common parameter for enrolled first-class schools. We can see schools with good reputation take high requirements for new candidates such as highly mark in previous school or recommendation from credible person. It is understandable because good schools is viewed can deliver success for their student.

Furthermore, good schools are related to student's bright future. Also, this can be true because they provided several aspects to encourage student ability including proficient lecture, curriculum, facilities and character buildings lesson. On the other hand, inequality schools usually stay behind the good one and we can imply that inequality schools students commonly have less ability rather than first-rate school students. For example, announcement of math competition usually netted qualify school rather than school in the bordered. The purpose of this act is to make competition more prestigious because the organizer already knows qualification of students. From this case we can imply that students in good schools have more chance to develop their self in order to reach success instead of bordered schools.

Nevertheless, although studying hard is related to the better life it is might consider taking soft skill improvement onto person success path. We can see several success stories begin when the actors can improve their social skills on well set. For example, success story of Tom Cruise, Hollywood actor with dyslexia. Dyslexian see the written seem moving like dancing so they cannot read. Although iterate Tom proves his social skill allow him become success.

In conclusion, I believe good result exam make easier path for student convey their bright future, but this is not the only way to dealt with this. Moreover, outside school mark student as human being should build soft skill to support their success in society.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 17, 2014   #2
The outcome of tough study process is related to theeconomic prosperity.

.... hey, "economic prosperity" is quite a technical jargon meaning that everybody has a job or that everybody's well off. It is not an appropriate usage for a simple personal task like studying :( you can talk about economic prosperity of a country, but not a house or a person.

The outcome of tough study process is related to the economic prosperity. However, this view leads people to think that outweigh of good education is the way to hold better life.

Both these sentences fail to provide the reader with a clear meaning :( You need to fix this problem soon as this is going to put you in deep trouble. Try to express your ideas in a more simple way with simple, yet interesting words.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 17, 2014   #3
hey, "economic prosperity" is quite a technical jargon meaning that everybody has a job or that everybody's well off. It is not an appropriate usage for a simple personal task like studying :( you can talk about economic prosperity of a country, but not a house or a person.

After re read mine, I also feel same that this jargon is not suitable for the topic.

The outcome of tough study process is related to the economic prosperity. However, this view leads people to think that outweigh of good education is the way to hold better life.

Both these sentences fail to provide the reader with a clear meaning :( You need to fix this problem soon as this is going to put you in deep trouble .

This my fast response before I am going to deep trouble. May I get the newest comment ? :D
The outcome of tough study process is related with successful learning. Therefore this view lead people thinking about correlation between good education and the bright future.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 18, 2014   #4
First, a small admin request for you - Make sure you open all your IELTS threads in Writing Feedback forum (this has been transferred from Essays Term papers to Writing Feedback)

hey, "economic prosperity" is quite a technical jargon meaning that everybody has a job or that everybody's well off. It is not an appropriate usage for a simple personal task like studying :( you can talk about economic prosperity of a country, but not a house or a person.

Yes, you need to pay lots of attention to this aspect. I too have found that you have a tendency to deviate from your simple topic and try to bring in more advance scenarios into the context. That is not what your task requires. It gives a common day to day issue topic and ask you to display your response in a clear comprehensible manner. You have to be mindful that the objective of these tasks are to judge your English literacy level in three four fronts - Reading, Speaking, Listening and Writing. So they do not expect you to discuss very advance contexts.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 18, 2014   #5
First, a small admin reques t for you - Make sure you open all your IELTS threads in Writing Feedback forum (this has been transferred from Essays Term papers to Writing Feedback)

How kind person, Dumi. My pleasure to get nice advices in every essays from you. Thank you

Yes, you need to pay lots of attention to this aspect. I too have found that you have a tendency to deviate from your simple topic and try to bring in more advance scenarios into the context. That is not what your task requires. It gives a common day to day issue topic and ask you to display your response in a clear comprehensible manner. You have to be mindful that the objective of these tasks are to judge your English literacy level in three four fronts - Reading, Speaking, Listening and Writing. So they do not expect you to discuss very advance contexts.

Thanks in advance for your caring in all of my writing, Dumi.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 18, 2014   #6
Yep, pay attention to dumi's advice. She cares about everybody who visits this forum and gives her best to take them to a great score. She's a good mentor and actually we are all very lucky to have her here :)

As Arun has mentioned in his comment in one of your essays, you have a good range of vocabulary, but you still need to fix the alignment issue. I see you are improving essay by essay. However, for the start pay more attention to fixing this alignment issue and then get into more complicated vocab and sentences.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Feb 18, 2014   #7
Hellooo...,

Take a closer look at the prompt.

Does good exam result at a school or college do guarantee success in life? Discuss the advantages that a good education can have on your future. Do you believe that studying hard will bring a better life?

Topic: Does good exam result at a school or college do guarantee success in life? You need more words to discuss this topicThis is your starting point to enhance your opinion for the following paragraph.

Opinion: Discuss the advantages that a good education can have on your future. Highlight this: It is not me, it is not others, but it is your opinion dealing with your future.

Task:Do you believe that studying hard will bring a better life? I didn't see you give an emphasis for this key word. It is very simple, but you can't ignore the fact that (extract from website) The personal pronoun I is used in academic discourse for self-reference, particularly when referring to one's own stance (one's position or viewpoint) Moreover, This pronoun is a must.

A few details it takes for grammatical mechanics:

While it is true (a comma) I believe that bright future is not only caused by hard study process.

highly mark

Word says this is an inappropriate word order. I agree. Highly: Adverb, Mark: Verb/ Noun. Follow this: Adjective is modifying Noun. Adverb is modifying Verb

good schools is

Word says there is a problem with Subject and Verb agreement. This should be good schools are / good school is

character buildings lesson

and

schools students

Word says this is an inappropriate word order. I agree. A modifier can't be plural. Omit "s" building and school.

From this case (a comma) we can imply

Word gives punctuation suggestion, a comma.

although studying hard is related to the better life (a comma) it is might consider taking soft skill improvement onto person success path.

Word gives punctuation suggestion, a comma and says there is a problem with Verb agreement (Is and Consider)

Dyslexian

Word says there is a problem with the word choice. Are you sure Dyslexian is an English word?

Dyslexian see the written seem moving like dancing so they cannot read.

Word says this is a bad grammar issue. I agree. There is a problem with Subject and Verb agreement.

Your Introduction:

The outcome of tough study process is related to the economic prosperity.

Is it a hook? I am not sure enough this is going to be a good hook. The economic prosperity doesn't have any relationship with your topic. But, if it is any, I think this is very very very general . If you can't even create a hook, then leave it out. However, A hook is a must for earning a good score :)

I remember how Dumi (our moderator) provides a mentoring structure for other students (like me) at this forum dealing with an introductory paragraph.
She suggests: INTRODUCTION- hook+ background of your topic + State your opinion/ position. I think you should pay particular attention to what the structure is constructed.

Thanks. Good Luck for your exam :)


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