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Some believe that studying at university or college is the only, proper way to have a good career

muathuthattuyet 5 / 7  
Apr 7, 2017   #1
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

to continue study or not

High school leavers are often presented with a puzzling choice of whether to embark on a third-level education or land a job immediately. While people in favour of the former point of view are in the belief that authentic knowledge and skills acquired in university lay groundwork for one's successful careers, entering the job market right after graduation are not without its merits. In this essay, I would like to examine both sides of the argument before reaching a reasonable conclusion

On the one hand, there are definite beneficial aspects of receiving higher education. First of all, those who espouse the idea of enrolling in a college or university are positioning themselves for better employment opportunities. This is mainly due to the fact that on entering a tertiary institution, learners can get access to a professional teaching staff that is rich in experience and expertise, thus allowing themselves to absorb abstruse learning concept more efficiently. Besides, a university degree is a requisite for the majority of occupations in the modern world, without which one could not aspire to secure a highly-paid position in a company. Secondly, since many third-level institutions offer field trips or include the internship as a study component, students can get valuable first-hand experience during their university life and make improvement so as to be more competitive and competent in the future industry.

On the other hand, individuals reap a wide range of benefits if launching a career without applying for third-year education. Firstly, getting a salary will mean that one does not have to depend on one's parents for financial support. For example, a youngster can easily fulfil her daily basic needs such as food or clothes as well as satisfy other entertainment pursuits, namely shopping and seeing a movie without any financial constraints. Moreover, entering the job market undoubtedly expose a person to the real world. To put it more clearly, one will have to make regular contacts with people from different backgrounds, and that will not only enrich one's own experience in terms of social and interpersonal skills but also toughen one for any unfortunate events that might happen.

To sum up, benefits accruing to both sides of the argument are overwhelming. However, it is advisable for young adults to consider carefully before arriving at the final decision which can have a long-lasting impact on their future life.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,144 3273  
Apr 7, 2017   #2
Nguyen, you almost got the opening paraphrasing of the instructions completely right. You made a mistake when you said that you come to a conclusion about the topic instead of saying that you were going to offer your personal opinion on the topic. The personal opinion is the instruction given by the original prompt and is what you should have presented towards the end of the essay. You are not expected to come to a conclusion, which translates into a decision about the topic provided because your role here is merely to inform the reader, not make a decision for them. So you your approach to the essay discussion is partly in error. As for your discussion proper, there are a few improvements that need to be made in your future essays since you made the mistakes in this essay.

You are given only a limited time with which you develop a draft and finalize your essay. Therefore, you must always concentrate on delivering the strongest possible argument for your discussion. As such, you should never present more than one, fully developed and discussed line of reasoning per paragraph. Delivering small reasons, such as you did in this essay, without allowing enough space for proper defense and development of the opinion results in a less informative essay. It is imperative that you present your strongest discussion, even if based only upon one fact. That is because it is not the number of reasons that are being counted here, but your ability to defend or oppose a given statement in a coherent and cohesive English based approach.

The conclusion is definitely faulty because you failed to present a personal opinion prior to the conclusion of the essay. Since the instructions are clear about you discussing two sides and then giving your personal opinion, you cannot claim that the whole essay is based upon your personal opinion. These are the major reasons that your final score has to be a low 4.

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