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I have always believed that hard work is the key to success - TOEFL independent essay


NourNour 22 / 39 7  
Jan 23, 2016   #1
"When people succeed, it is because hard work. Luck has nothing to do with this success." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

There is a proverb that goes "genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration". Although some people spend their whole lives waiting for a miracle to make their dreams come true. I have always believed that hard work is the key to success, especially for people who want to achieve an academic success or to be wealthy.

To begin with, People must work hard in order to succeed at school. Success can be achieved by trying several times, no matter what difficulties people face. They must not let themselves defeated by previous failures. For example, even though I got seventeen in the writing section last time I took the TOEFL test, which was the first time I take it, I did not stop practicing hard to improve my score in this section.

Additionally, people who want to be rich cannot depend on only luck to succeed. Even luck needs preparation which is based on hard work. As the saying goes "luck is when preparation meets opportunity." For instance, I heard about a man who became rich by winning the lottery. But his fortune did not last forever because he did not use it in a financial project. Thus, a stroke of luck can make a person wealthy but it does not make him a successful person; however, making good plans,to use gained money in projects, and working hard to realize these plans can make a person successful .

To sum up, I believe that without hard work people cannot achieve success. Even the success achieved by chance is temporary, and does not last for a long time without making efforts and working hard.

sntinn 8 / 36 9  
Jan 23, 2016   #2
I think there are only minor mistakes in this writing.
Only some small things to be improved in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs .

2nd paragraph
For example, even though I got seventeen in the writing section in my first, recentlast time I took the TOEFL test which was the first time I take it , I did not stop practising hard to improve my score in this section.

My suggestion: It would be nice if you can show the result of your hard work to support your reason in this paragraph. In corresponding to your example here, you may show how much you think your writing has been improved.

3rd paragraph,
Additionally, people who want to be rich cannot depend on only luck to succeed. Even luck needs preparation which is based on hard work. As the saying goes "luck is when preparation meets opportunity." ....

My suggestion: There is nothing wrong about the sentence "Even luck needs preparation which is based on hard work," yet I personally find that it is not necessary as the following sentence already describes what you are trying to say in a much understandable way.

....For instance, I heard about a man who became rich by winning the lottery. ButNevertheless, his fortune did not last forever because he did not use it in aany financial project....

My suggestion: You may consider replacing "he did not use it in aany financial project" with something like "he did not use the money to make investments, nor did he try to keep it."
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 23, 2016   #3
As usual, you continue to show remarkable improvement with every essay that you write. I assure you that your score is improving as well. You are scoring way above the passing band score at this point. Your use of the English language is becoming more fluid, although the language is still not as proper as it should be. Make sure to use the correct word tense of the information you are giving. If it has already happened in the past, then be consistent with using the past tense version of the reference words in that paragraph.

The logic in your discussion is quite evident and self -explanatory at times. The discussion uses easily understandable and almost everyday occurrences to illustrate your point. Both of which show a clear understanding of the prompt requirements and your knowledge of pop culture. These combined positive points are what help you consistently write strong essays.

Grammar problems aside, the essays are very well thought out, presented, and supported. Just make sure to continue reviewing tense usage and developing your vocabulary. You need to have an advanced writing style in regards to your sentence development before you take the test in order to ensure the highest possible score for yourself in this section.
OP NourNour 22 / 39 7  
Jan 24, 2016   #4
Thank you :) I will work on these points :)))))


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