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It is believed that salary is the most important priority when choosing a job. I partially agree.


tumi0107 1 / 1  
Jul 19, 2020   #1
Hi everyone! This is my first post on this forum. I have written an IELTS task 2 essay. Please help me with this and guest the band score of it for me. Thanks a lot.

Topic:

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration.


To what extent do you agree or disagree.

There are many factors that impact the way we choose a job such as passion, salary, promotion, tendency,.... Specifically, it is believed that salary is the most important priority when choosing a job. I partly agree with this statement.

First of all, there is no doubt that we all need money to satisfy the needs of our life. For instance, each month, we all have to pay the electric bills, houses, clothes, food and other types of entertainment. It is difficult to live with little money. Furthermore, a well -paid job not only help staffs feel satisfy with their enough budgets but also become the motivation to encourage them to work harder. An employee, for example, may makes efforts to achieve the goal in his task so he could have chance to promote to the top position. Therefore, he deserves a higher salary level than the others.

On the other hand, salary is not the only reason to be considered when choosing a job. Passion is also a huge inspiration that motivate us go to work every day. When loving the job, many people still choose it no matter how low salary is. For instance, many people choose artist or actor as their main career because it is their interest. Secondly, there are a variety of jobs that help create a better community. People who do these job are called volunteers and they are paid little or even no money. They are charity works such as helping the disabled, organizing outdoor activities for orphans, raising fund for the poor and so on.

In conclusion, I reaffirm that even though salary is the priority, we all have to consider other factors carefully before decide our career.
Tran Ha Chi 2 / 7 2  
Jul 19, 2020   #2
Hi@tumi0107,
I have some comments for your essay, hope they are helpful!
1. You should not use "..." when listing in the essay. Instead, you should use this structure when you want to list something "such as A, B and C"

2. Your introduction is quite chopped since you use short sentences.

3."... need money to satisfy the needs of our life."
=> to make our ends meet = đủ để chi trả
OP tumi0107 1 / 1  
Jul 19, 2020   #3
@Tran Ha Chi
Thank you for your comment. I want to know that if I I could get band 6.5 on this essay or not ?
sam1999 2 / 2  
Jul 19, 2020   #4
There are quite a few grammatical mistakes:
"... not only help staffs feel satisfy satisfied with ..."

"An employee, for example, may makes make efforts to ... he could have a chance to ... salary level than the others."

Also try to use more sentence variety.
Hope this helps
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,252 3656  
Jul 20, 2020   #5
There is a problem with the exam takers who insist on taking a "partly" stance in the given discussion. The TA scoring section clearly indicates that the exam taker who "does not express a clear position" cannot get a TA score higher than 3. An additional reason that this score will be given is that it; "presents few ideas, which are largely undeveloped..." That lack of development and clarity comes from having to defend 2 sides in a 2 reasoning paragraph allotment when it should be 2 reasons strongly supporting your given opinion. There is a lack of opinion development and explanation in a "partly" discussion. It does not follow the required response for the prompt given. As such, when you are asked for a degree of measurement in your response, it is not a numerical measurement, but rather, an emotional measurement response to a single opinion. Emotional response as in "I strictly believe that..." or "I hold a strong belief in..."

A single opinion represents a clear position in the discussion. That clarity will proceed to result in a higher TA and C&C score. The C&C score relies on the connectivity of your discussion points and the clear expression of your solid support for a given opinion. Without the clarity of your opinion, by choosing a single opinion and explaining the strength of your support for it, your essay will find it difficult to achieve a passing score. The fact that you failed to offer a clear opinion, along with the existing grammar and conciseness errors in your essay will result in an overall low score for the essay.


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