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belong to a middle class; Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or ...


evstigneeff 1 / -  
Mar 13, 2014   #1
Hello. Could you please give approximate band score for this essay, correct mistakes and suggest what to improve? Thanks in advance.

Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits.
Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?


Nowadays, in time of widespread media there are a huge amount of various celebrities like movie actors, singers or professional athletes. However, being a famous and well-known person can have both advantages and disadvantages not saying about dangers.

To begin with, many celebrities earn extremely large amount of money, that is millions and millions of US dollars. This allows them to live a full life with a lot of pleasures and entertainments as well as possibility to purchase just everything that they can imagine, namely gorgeous mansions, luxury cars, and even planes or yachts. Furthermore, a big army of personal fans admire them, so famous people are able to influence on these people in order to make this world a little bit better.

On the other hand, celebrities almost don't have a private life because many people and especially their fans want to know about them everything that is possible. This led to appearing such people like annoying paparazzi which purpose was to expose all private life of famous people and even very intimate things. Likewise, celebrities can easily be victims of robbery, burglary or even kidnapping because a big money always attracts bad guys, so they and their family rarely feel themselves in safe.

In conclusion, I want to say that there are pros and cons to be a famous and well-known person at present time, but there are more disadvantages than advantages, and I would prefer to belong to a middle class people. In this case I could afford all necessary things for adequate level of life and wouldn't be concerned about my safety as well as safety of my family members.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 13, 2014   #2
Nowadays, in time of widespread media there are a huge amount of various celebrities like movie actors, singers or professional athletes.

Well, this is not a good sentence to open your essay. Try to write a short and more catchy line to hook your reader :)
sandipsinh 37 / 90 3  
Mar 13, 2014   #3
To begin with, many celebrities earn extremely large amount of money - (Firstly, celebrities earn handsome sum of money in their professions.)

MAKE YOUR POINT VERY CONCISE IN FIRST SENTENCE ONLY.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Mar 13, 2014   #4
Your body para does not contain a specific example to support the reason.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 13, 2014   #5
To begin with, many celebrities earn extremely large amount of money, that is millions and millions of US dollars. This allows them to live a fullvery luxurious life .

This allows them to live a full life with a lot of pleasures and entertainments as well as possibility to purchase just everything that they can imagine, namely gorgeous mansions, luxury cars, and even planes or yachts.

This sentence is too long and has many redundant words. Try to express ideas more clearly in shorter sentences.

On the other hand, celebrities almost don't have a private life because many people and especially their fans want to know about them everything that is possible.

On the other hand, these celebrities do not enjoy much privacy due to their fame.


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