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ielts task2-it is beneficial to enlighten young people to be good parents in school.


jannychen 2 / 7 1  
Jan 2, 2014   #1
topic:Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent.

Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent

In current society, the parent's age is increasingly young. To be a good parent is significant for our family and society. This raises an arguable issue whether it is beneficial to enlighten young people to be good parents in school. In my opinion, it is negative as it is not only the school cannot pay focus on individual properly but also the parenting has more benefit for young people to learn how to be good parents.

On one hand, it is not a good idea to teach youth to be good parents in school due to the concentrations beyond on every student. As there have limited the resource of teachers, one teach delivers knowledge to all students in a class. Meanwhile, the teacher cannot get feedback from everyone cause of different levels of students, it is likely a teacher would ignore some students.

For another, the parenting is a good way for youngsters to be good parents compare with the schooling. In the most of time, young people being with parents is beneficial to learn from their parents. It is more evidence than oral teaching. Beside, as a good parent needs to understand their children, encourage them to do positive things and make them grow up with happiness. Such things will impact young people straightly in a home place.

On the other hand, there are redundant aspects against these arguments. Youths can learn to be good parents early in school. Young people learn it in advance, so that they could prepare more for their future children and help their parents. To learn its is a part of school, students can learn each other. However, surrounding environment may support them, for example, neighbors, relatives how they are leading their family.

In conclusion, it is negative as it is not only the school cannot pay focus on individual properly but also the parenting has more benefit for young people to learn how to be good parents.

nmtuan3497 2 / 3  
Jan 4, 2014   #2
I think your essay is absolutely interesting. However, you need to use more complex grammar in order to increase your band.
nmtuan3497 2 / 3  
Jan 4, 2014   #3
''Beside'' is not formal enough in an Ielts essay. You should use some phrases such as ''In addition'' ''Additionally'' ''Moreover'' etc.
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Jan 8, 2014   #4
To be a good parent is significant for our family and society.

.... This sentence is pretty weak as an idea. May be you have not expressed it properly. Better re-phrase.

This raises an arguable issue whether it is beneficial to enlighten young people to be good parents in school.

.... This is a good sentence.

In my opinion, it is negative as it is not only the school cannot pay focus on individual properly but also the parenting has more benefit for young people to learn how to be good parents.

This one is too very long and has several issues regarding clarity :( ....Make a simple statement that expresses your opinion clearly.

On one hand, it is not a good idea to teach youth to be good parents in school due to the concentrations beyond on every student.

.... what do you mean by "concentrations beyond on every student"?
You need to pay more attention to clarity of your sentences.
Pahan 1 / 1,908 553  
Jan 8, 2014   #5
For another, the parenting is a good way for youngsters to be good parents compare with the schooling.

I agree with dumi. Your sentences lack clarity. You need to present your idea more clearly to the reader. Concentrate on what you really want to tell and construct a simple sentence with more familiar vocabulary. Also, you need to pay attention to the overall structure of the essay. Your body paragraphs should contain reasons that can justify your position in the argument and those reasons need to be backed by specific examples. I do not find such examples in your body paragraphs.
OP jannychen 2 / 7 1  
Jan 8, 2014   #6
it i s difficoult to f in d a example supporting th i s essay!thanks for suggestion
OP jannychen 2 / 7 1  
Jan 10, 2014   #7
i wander whether it is off the topic . could you tell me that .


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