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benefit to unpaid teenager and local community


Mriytunjay 4 / 8 2  
Jun 16, 2012   #1
Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to do help the local community. They believe this would benefit both individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

We belong to the society whose well being depends on our shoulder. Mainly,local community is the place, where we may find complex issues. Moreover, we needs people with thrust to delve within it with devotion to solve some of it. Teenagers in this case are more suitable by keeping all responsibilities in views. Moreover, teenagers are also future of every nations ,and their, effort in any manner may help us to maintain the balance in the social dynamics of our society.

It has been observed that, the local community is a place where many kind of people live within. Mainly, they deal with critical problems such as education, interface with technology, sanitation, healthcare,etc. Furthermore, although government has been putting a lot of effort to eradicate these issues by providing schools, water supply through conduits, hospitals through schemes such as Grampanchyat Yojana in India for several decades. However, issues are getting solved due to unawareness of the residents. Hence, through the teenagers the awareness can be developed, and further they may also enhance it by providing some of the facility according to their suitability. For instance, they can teach children in schools, aware the people regarding sanitation and pollution on garbage disposal and disease related to its accumulation. The awareness on health care by demonstrating the need of the hour facilities.In this way, teenages may enhance their insight towards social issues and lead them to integrate themselves for the reformations in social dynamics of local communities. These days many NGOs are also quiet active in these areas, hence their effort may be further endorsed by these groups. Again, residents of the community will also get substantial benefit out of it.

Finally, teenagers are the most active portion of the society with the energy and intellect to reform our future. Thus, their small step in this way could be a giant step towards the balance of our society.They should think towards learning to solve the issues involve in our society at this stage by working unpaid even. Because it is mutually helpful for them and society as a whole to make it more better and smarter.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jun 16, 2012   #2
Mainly,local community is the place, where we may find complex issues.

no comma between place and where

Teenagers in this case are more suitable by keeping all responsibilities in views.

------- idea is not clear .... what do you mean?

we needs

---------- we need, he needs (typo :D)

every nations

------ every nation, all nations

You don't specifically state whether you agree or not as asked by the prompt. The reader gets the impression that you are supporting the argument, but better say it directly in your introductory para.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jun 16, 2012   #3
Try to avoid the use of "we" in academic writing.

Well.... I feel this is ok Ahmad.... why do you suggest so?
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 16, 2012   #4
Duminda: In the academic writing the use of "We", "I", and the like, is not appropriate. A writer should use passive sentences because such sentences are stronger, and also this type of expression does not point to a specific person or group, because they have no subject.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jun 16, 2012   #5
However, I guess TOEFL and IELTS are not of highly academic nature. They mainly test one's fluency and whether he could express ideas clearly in a more organized manner. In this background writing in active voice is very helpful. Also, modern English writing encourages you to write in active voice because it is more clearer, livelier and often more concise than passive voice sentences. However, in my view, the writing is not strictly rule driven and you cannot rigidly apply the rule where it is not appropriate. Also writing in one voice, active or passive, would be boring. Therefore both active and passive need to be balanced effectively in writing. After all writing has got a lot do with creativity and that is unique to individual styles. It's an art :)
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 16, 2012   #6
Well.... I feel this is ok Ahmad.... why do you suggest so?

Of course, there is no strict rule for writing, and different people have different writing styles. But, in many academic books it is recommended students to avoid the use of "we" and "I". So, a writer can use "we" in an essay, but there is no guarantee that an examiner doesn't consider it as a mistake. So, it would be better to do not take a risk and lose mark :))

Ahmad


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