Task2: The benefits and disadvantages of working from home

Topic:
Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

My answer:
Around the world, many parents are working from home and children are beginning to study from home as well due to the development and easy access of technology. This means that they could work more easily and maybe work more efficiently than they do in workplace. Besides, working at home will also help people do not have to drive to work or school . As a result, the air pollution produced by vehicles of people going to work is likely to be reduced dramatically . Moreover, the innovation of education of studying at home rather than learn at school like a traditional way will probably change significantly the way student approach the lessons . By doing this, these student will not get fed up with the traditionally boring lessons . However, this could cause many problems. Take for example, people who work at home may be more lazy than usual since there are not many ways which guide you to work at home and so at first you will excitedly work in new method but gradually you will get a bored feelings. A good idea to tackle this issue is to sometimes find a new place in home to study or you can work in the garden of your house to change the work environment. The further problem is that work at home will hinder your social skills and your chance to enhance the ability of communicating with other people and behaving in a good way as well.

In the summary , working at home not only gives you a positive development but provides you some negative issues as well . So, I think the most obvious measure to deal with it is combine these two method of working and studying . Consequently, you can gain the benefit from working at home and also improve your community skills.

Hope you will check and correct my essay . Thank you!!!

Are you self-studying ? I believe that is the case since your essay does not follow the required task 2 formatting requirement. Your essay is too long at 3OO + words. You do not present a prompt restatement and thesis statement. The 4 paragraph presentation is also missing. The 4 paragraphs represent:

Par. 1 - prompt restatement + thesis sentence / question response
Par. 2 - 1st reasoning paragraph
Par. 3 - 2nd reasoning paragraph
Par. 4 - (optional, when required) Personal opinion + Explanation
Par. 5 - Reverse paraphrase

I believe in giving self. study exam takers a second chance and I will do the same for you. Using a different topic , write a 250- 290 word essay using the format provided above. We will start your lessons then. That is, if you want to.

I think you should divide your essay into different paragraphs to be more clear, it should be one clear topic in each paragraph. Checking language, making changes for clarity or to avoid repetition and paying attention to correct errors. For example, in this essay, you make mistakes such as "more efficiently??", "a bored feelings ??".

I think you did not actually follow the required outline of an essay as there was no introduction. You should paraphrase the given task and give an answer to the questions (is it a positive or negative development?) to form a standard introduction. Moreover, you should devide the body into 2 paragraphs, one will present the first reason for your opinion, and another one will present the second reason.

There are some repetitions in your essay, for example, "This means that they could work more easily and maybe work more efficiently..."
There are also some grammatical errors "Besides, working at home will also help people do not have to drive to work or school...". I think you should write "...working at home means that people do not have to drive to work...which help significantly reduce gas emission from vehicles..."

Overall, your opinion has not been presented clearly and appropriately within the essay. You may need to read the outline of a correct essay and improve your grammar as well.

Hope these comments will help you!

@phamtam1234
@jane49
@Holt
Thanks all of you guys . Yes , I'm a beginner to ielts writing and this was even my first essay . I have read you guys ' s responses and I really appreciate it , and I have learned the ielts writing standard format so I won't make such mistakes like this essay again. Once again, thanks you guys for such useful comments.

Around the word - in any part of the word (good phrase for you to apply)
Many parents are working FROM HOME and children are beginning to study FROM HOME (repetition) - A number of parents and students had an upward trend to work from home

Moreover, the innovation of education of studying at home rather than learn at school like a traditional way will probably change significantly the way student approach the lessons (mistakes in grammar)

I think you should review the structure of Task 2 Writing, on youtube videos, for example, as well as enhance your grammar

@uyenmy0025
thank you!!! I appreciate your comment .I will take notice of your advice and I will enhance my grammar as well.