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The benefits of the domestic travel


ESK2013 1 / -  
Feb 22, 2020   #1

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries.



Many people claim that traveling overseas have more benefits than traveling within your country because people will have the opportunity to try a new experience by communicating with foreigners, live their traditions, and eat their foods. However, I fully disagree with this belief and I will support this stance by presenting several acceptable reasons.

The first reason for my opinion is that traveling in my own country is safer than traveling to a f foreign country. The safety is very important for travelers, and people consider it as the most important aspect, when they plan for a new trip. Since I am living in the United states, I am familiar with the safety system in the country. I know how to call the police department and how to report any violence against me or my family. Moreover, If someone stole my credit card, I would call my bank to stop my credit card's activities.

The second reason for my belief is that the domestic traveling is cheaper than traveling overseas. To travel overseas, we have to use the fly system to get to our new destinations. However, the average cost of any travel by plane is $1500 in regular seasons for the economy class, and the price will jump up to $5000 at least in high seasons. Therefore, I prefer to use my car to travel domestically and spend my vacation in New Orleans, Louisiana or Orlando, Florida and pay $300 for transportation rather than throw my money to have a vacation in Turkey or Egypt.

In conclusion, people like to have an new experience by traveling to a foreign country because they like to see a new culture and live in a different lifestyle for 10 days or 20 days, but I disagree with this notion at all. I believe traveling within my country will allow me to have a safe vacation and non costly vacation.

This essay is for the second question of TOEFL exam.
Thanks in advance
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,413 4391  
Feb 23, 2020   #2
I'll start my review with the common errors that could have easily been corrected with proper editing towards the end of the test. Use a hyphen for connected words such as non-costly. Do not capitalize words that are not nouns in the middle of a sentence. After a comma, the next word still starts with lowercase letters. Maybe you accidentally hit the shift key while typing so that happened. Always read what you have typed to avoid such a costly error. Now, let's review your content.

Do your best to not write more than 300 words for this essay so that you can have time for editing and revising your paper. It is important for you to self-edit towards the end of the exam so that you can correct any mistakes that you can spot. These simple corrections could have an increasing effect on your final score so don't neglect to edit your work. Do not write more words, edit your work instead.

Did you make a mistake with the prompt topic? Your response runs counter to the original presentation.

OP: People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries.
YP: Many people claim that traveling overseas have more benefits than traveling within your country ...


The prompt clearly says, " ... traveling in their own country than overseas". You responded, "Many people claim that traveling overseas have more benefits..."

It would have been more appropriate to say:

I agree that traveling within my own offers more gains. I say this because traveling within one's own country becomes an educational experience. One that is not provided in school. Some benefits of this type of travel are...

You created an accidental prompt deviation. You cannot agree or disagree with a statement that is not found in the original prompt. You cannot create your own discussion topic. Your essay is not discussing the topic provided. As such, you will get a TA score of 1. That score reflects how your response is completely not related to the given task. For the task, the topic given is one of the major considerations. How you understand it reflects English comprehension skills. The main reasons for this score is your questionable responsiveness to the task

With a score like that, you cannot expect to get a passing score for this essay due to the other mistakes you made in the presentation. Once you show that you did not understand the given topic, you clearly indicate a strong lack of English understanding As such, you cannot be allowed to pass the test.


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