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Benefits vs drawbacks - start their own business instead of working for company or organization

tandat 1 / 2  
Sep 29, 2019   #1

being an entrepreneur or a worker

A number of people support to be an entrepreneur, however, other people prefer to be an employee to contribute to an enterprise or organizations. It cannot deny the fact that it is a hot argument due to positive and negative aspects.

To begin with, some people are partial towards being self-employed. The difference with workers have limited time and be dominated by company rules, entrepreneurs can control their own destiny by escaping procedures or setting free from governed by under companies' regulation. Example for a famous artist, being an entrepreneur by opening a small brick and mortar shop is the best way to display or exhibit their unique artworks arranged on their ideals. by the way, Start-up is an opportunity to build for society as well as challenge themselves. Should the new brand run smooth and in accordance with the business plan, the owner should get a lot of profits and gain work experiences as well as it will create job opportunities for the communities.

On the other hands, the business owner has to face a lot of undeniable risks. Bankruptcy is the main problems which the business owner has to fight against. In case of a company is degenerating, the managers find somehow to pay salary for staffs by debit from the bank in a long time lead to bankrupt unavoidably. Besides, health degradation is a serious issue when you have your own business. The stress that comes with having full responsibility for keeping things going on day by day related to your business. It will rush your aging ever than before.

To sum up, it is obvious that drawbacks and benefits of being an entrepreneur or a worker against together at all time. after that, my point of view, the benefits of start-up beyond its potential risks.

thunguyen92 2 / 5 2  
Sep 29, 2019   #2
it can not deny that = it is undeniable that...
a hot argument = a debatable issue
Example for a famous artist = Take a famous artist as an example
run smoothly and be in accordance with
Bankruptcy is the main problems
alice1426 3 / 8 2  
Sep 29, 2019   #3
Hi there.
I think it's better to start your view in the introduction paragraph and then reemphasize in the conclusion paragraph.
To make it clear at the beginning, you can add a sentence like In my opinion, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Sep 30, 2019   #4
Hey, welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback becomes helpful for your writing.

First and foremost, I agree with the prior comments that you should work on emphasizing the introduction and conclusion of the essay. Remember that, while the body is critical, having a balanced approach to writing will truly take you farther.

Furthermore, the flow of the entire writing needs to be worked on. It's quite noticeable how you had issues sorting out your thoughts, especially if we take a look at the second paragraph. What I would primarily suggest is taking a more step-by-step approach to all of this. Doing this would definitely be a smoother approach to the topic.

The examples you had given in the third paragraph need a bit more work. I heavily recommend trying to use more concrete data in this portion.
renzito 3 / 4  
Oct 2, 2019   #5
I wished to read the full question , but I think this what it meant to be

There is growing number of people that want to be self-employment and run their own business, however, some individuals still want to remain to be employee. There are some merits and demerits in both statements.

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