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Benefits and drawbacks of urbanization. Better life for older in the countryside


Jino 1 / 1  
Aug 4, 2009   #1
Hello! I am jino. I am harry's classmate [ if you know ]
My English is bad. I hope somebody can hlep me to check my essay.
I really thank those who help and give the advise people.

Urbanization ,the outward expansion phenomenon of cities, is developing moderately all over the world. Those who advocate for the benefits about urbanization, they believe that more and more people move to cities for the advantages.Moreover,those who criticize that there are a lot of drawbacks about urbanization, they deem living in the countryside is suitable. Although there are a great deal of opportunities for work and the best infrastructure in cities, the countryside offers the chance for quite life and less pollution.

Employment is more widely available in cities. Ostensibly, finding a high salary job is easier in cities. It is generally accepted that there is a large number of high quality school and university located in cities. Furthermore, big companies, shops, groups, and factories are concentrated around cities. Seoul, south Korea, the number of population about those who living in cities rose from 900,000 to ten millions between 1945 and 1990. Thus, unemployment rate decreased dramatically because the population growth.

In addition, a lot of infrastructure is provided in cities. It leads directly increased the life quality. There are transportation, libraries, parks, zoos in close proximity which is not as many as the countryside.' I like living in cities because I do not need to get up early, and also I do need to go anywhere ease for playing together'(one of my friend said)

Oppositely, urban sprawl exacerbates the amounts of pollution released. What's more, the metropolitan environment always effect our health. Noise, air pollution, light pollution are taking place because of population explosion. For instance, the destroying of the eco-system leads to the deaths of most of the wild creatures who lives around cities. Moreover, these pollutions also has serious impacts on humans developments. The utilize of the energy resources for the next generation will be limited. That is to say, environmental problem is facing a baptism of life.

In brief, although urbanization leads directly to increased amounts of pollution, it also provides greater opportunities for employment and access to localized infrastructure. Taking into account both sides of argument, living in cities is more suitable for those who want to has a hurried life. Therefore, especially retirement or old generation had better to live in the countryside.

Above the all is my eassy.I prastics a lot of time for it but still not improved. I decided to write it on here so that I can know which level I am now.

please check it as you can . I hope! Thanks for that . Really!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Aug 4, 2009   #2
"the countryside offers a chance for a quiet life and less pollution."

"It is generally accepted that there is a large number of high quality school and university located in cities." Try to avoid these sorts of constructions. They are not wrong, exactly, but they greatly weaken your writing. Better would be "Most cities boast a large number of high quality schools and universities."
Reborn 1 / 5  
Aug 4, 2009   #3
Those who advocate for the benefits about urbanization, they believe that more and more people move to cities for the advantages.

I think that any pronoun used in a place like that is supposed to refer back to the word before the comma, which wouldn't be they. You can just take out the comma and they and it would make the sentence fine.
HarryK 2 / 6  
Aug 4, 2009   #4
[environmental problem is facing a baptism of life.]
I don't understand why you used 'baptism' here.
OP Jino 1 / 1  
Aug 4, 2009   #5
Thanks for checking,I just confused that I usually can not use many difficult word which I know. Can you give some advise to me that can help me to imporve my writting? Thanks for that!
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 7, 2009   #6
[environmental problem is facing a baptism of life.]
I don't understand why you used 'baptism' here.

I'm guessing you used a translating devise or online thesaurus. I've said this repeatedly: Don't just choose words out of the thesaurus or translator. Look up the word you want to use in the dictionary. Read all of the definitions for it. Make sure it really is the word you want to use. It's always better to use a simple word you are sure of than to use an advanced word incorrectly.
rosamond00 2 / 4  
Aug 8, 2009   #7
i think you should " moreover = on the contrary ..because two ideas is controversial
HarryK 2 / 6  
Aug 25, 2009   #8
You should focus on the vocabs like simone said


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