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There are more benefits of moving around than just staying in a city throughout human life


Pramudita 14 / 11 6  
Oct 12, 2015   #1
In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both?

In bygone era, every people tended to stay in a place they were born and made them comfortable with, while humans these days prefer to move to other places where they gain a better life. I would argue that there are many merits and demerits of staying in the same city, yet moving around offers more merits surely.

In the past, there were many citizens said that they would not move to anywhere else. They definitely felt pleasurable with area they familiar with. It was believed that they did not need adapt with other environments. However, staying in a town where they had to face same population and weather all their life could make them bored.

On the other hand, a lot of new friends and new knowledge can be obtained by mankind who often migrates today. According to my experience when I was child, since demands of my parents' job, I had to live in Papua. It was great certainly, because I recognized several individuals who came from different regions. Moreover, I got many horizons such as traditions of other provinces my friends were born. Nonetheless, it is not pleasant perpetually, due to migrating requires inhabitants can adapt well, and surely some cannot adjust quickly, since there are many various ideas, cultures and religions from other cities.

To sum up, even though there is a major benefit for society living in a town throughout their life, but I reckon that nomadic is greater to a better life, since a lot of new relatives and knowledge are able to be gained.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 12, 2015   #2
Dita, I can understand what you are trying to say in your essay. That is a good thing because it shows that you can manage to make yourself understood in the English language even though your grammar usage may be off. I can tell that you understood the essay prompt and responded to it well, even though your restatement of the prompt was a little lost in translation :-) This particular essay really had a problem with the way you expressed yourself. It just wasn't clear enough and could be confusing to read for a non-native English speaker to understand. Let me show you how the paragraphs should have read:

Paragraph 1:
In bygone era, every people tended to stay in a place ...

During previous generations, people had a tendency to stay in the place where they were born because they were comfortable with it. These days, people prefer to move to various places to live in the hopes of a better life. I believe that there are are both merits and demerits with regards to either living in one place all your life or moving around. I will discuss some of those reasons in this essay.

Paragraph 2:
In the past, there were many citizens ...

In the past, people did not see a need to move from place to place. They had a tendency to feel at home in the familiar area, usually where they grew up, so they did not feel a need to adapt to a new environment. However, they eventually found themselves bored at having to live life and deal with the same people in the same place everyday of their lives.

Paragraph 3:
On the other hand, a lot of new friends ...

That is why I believe that living in several places during one's lifetime has potential benefits. When I was a child, my parent's had jobs that demanded they travel a lot. That is why I ended up living in Papua. While I missed creating a sense of family and friendship by living in one place for a long time, I learned a lot from moving around with my parents. It opened up learning horizons for me that would not have existed if I had stayed where I was born. While constantly moving was not a pleasant experience, I learned to adapt well. However, for others who continuously migrate and cannot adjust quickly to the culture, religion, and social scene of their new residence, living in various places over time could be a traumatic experience.

Paragraph 4:
To sum up, even though ...

That is why I believe that although there is a major benefit to living in only one city during a lifetime, the nomadic experience offers more benefits than disadvantages. Those who live in different places throughout their lives tend to gain more knowledge, friends, and familiarity with various cultures when compared to those who live in only one city.

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I know you are writing under time constraint and cannot always develop the best sentences because you are watching the clock during practice tests. That is still not an excuse for not trying to come up with more understandable paragraphs. Compare the paragraphs above and you will understand what I mean. You do not need to use big words to make your essay good. Use simple words, just make sure that the sentence structure is easily understood and you will be fine during the actual test :-)


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