Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS WRITING TASK 2- Benefits and Risks of people living to 150


roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Dec 4, 2019   #1

The Problem with Longevity



In the future, it may be scientifically possible to live for 150 years. This could good for individuals but it may have negative consequences for society.

What are the benefits and risks of people living to 150 ?


Nowadays, the issue about whether people could live until 150 years old or not is definitely a controversial topic. Some people believe that this could be perfect for them. However, some people feel that it may cause repercussions for society. The following essay will illustrate the advantages and drawbacks of people living beyond 100 years old.

The first benefit of living longer is that people enable to enjoy their life more. A research showed that 68% of people before dying wish to obtain more time to achieve their life goal or spend more time with their families. Second benefit of it is that people may see the change of the world. For example, when people were 80 years old, a robot may not be invented yet. Nevertheless, if he or she could live until age of 50, they might directly see a real robot stand in front of them instead of dying in 80 years old and even can not have a glance of it.

While some people acclaim numerous pros of living longer, some vital cons are playing significant roles which can not be ignored. Elderly allowance is one of the impact factors. If everyone could live such a long age, the government absolutely will face the financial problem which needs to require heavier tax from citizens to pay for elderly than before. Moreover, more elderly means they need more medical assistance, it might cause a person in need of medical assistance which can not obtain it in a timely manner.

In summary, living until 150 years old may be a good accomplishment for human beings. However, it still has many challenges which need to conquer in the future. Not only the financial concerns but also the medical affections.

XPROFF 4 / 16 13  
Dec 5, 2019   #2
@roswita116

Hello,

I would like to share my feedback on your writing.

Firstly you have good ideas and support with examples and facts.

However, i do not feel that you have answered the question completely and correctly.

Firstly, the question has two parts. The benefits and Risks of people over 150 years old.

My concern is only in the risks involve.

In your second arguments you should mention what are the risks involve related to people more than 150 years old. For example, the longer people live, there is a higher risks of developing more disease or health related issues..etc..

I suggest omit points such as, elderly allowance and Medical assistance because it does not reflect the risks but only shows causes and impacts, which is not relevent to the given topic.

I am sure you can think of somthings that may pose as risk to people living longer..

I suggest for every benefits you choose there is always risks involve. Try complements these and conclude your writing in a well organised manner.

I hope these feedback helps you in your writing.
thaithu 4 / 9 2  
Dec 6, 2019   #3
Your essay is good, but I think you just use simple sentence and repeat some words. When you mention the idea, you could use firstly, secondly or to begin with, furthermore instead of the first/second benefit of it is.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2- Benefits and Risks of people living to 150