Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Essays about benefits of smartphone

sonxuantran1801 1 / -  
Apr 29, 2020   #1

the most advantageous tool

Our quality of life is gradually becoming better and better by the help of such technological advices. One of the most paramount advances is smartphone. Athough it is thought by some people to have a nagative impact on our lives , its considerable benefits can not be denied.

First of all, smartphone helps us to connect with the world outside. The reason why people are attracted by smartphone is that social media are already on this device. With the internet connection, it's possible for us to chat or even video call with people, which is much more vivid than normal boring phones just for calling. Moreover, we can post our memorable photos, tell people our stories or even record our daily habits, hobbies and share it with billions of people.

Secondly, by using smartphone,we can satisfy our thirsty for knowledge. The greatest feature of smartphone is search tool. It gives us a notice of the hottest issues such as pandemic virus, conflict among countries,etc through thowsands of up-to-date news. Just sitting at home, we can know everything happening on this planet. Additionally, search tool makes it possible for us to approach enormous repositories which contain thowsands of research, e-books, academic materials. It's not exaggerated to say with smartphone we have an access to human beings' experiences, knowledge which have been accumulated for many millenniums.

In conclusion, everything has its downside. If we know how to use smartphone wisely, we have the most advantageous tool to help us grow and develop ourshelves.
phong3baotap 7 / 19 4  
Apr 29, 2020   #2
Some errors:
...better by with the help...
...everything has its a downside...

GiangDao 1 / 2  
Apr 29, 2020   #3
advices => advances
advances is in the smartphone
have a nagative impact on our lives => to harm our lives
First of all, smartphone => the smartphone or a smartphone
attracted by smartphone => the smartphone or a smartphone
us to chat or even video call => s to chat or even video calls
we can satisfy our thirsty
the smartphone is search => the search or a search
thousands of
which have has been accumulated
has its a downside
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,013 4242  
Apr 29, 2020   #4
Kindly remember to post the prompt or other discussion instructions along with your essay next time. It is difficult to review the essay because of the missing writing instructions. For now, only a general review of your grammar can be provided.

Try to write more than just the minimum word count. 275 words would be a better word count for your essay as opposed to 251. The examiner will need to have more samples of your writing style and expression in order to better judge your ability to write in the English language. Right now, you are not writing to your full capacity because you are limiting your writing presentation in terms of your thought process and ability to form sentences / paragraphs. Anyway, you have written enough for me to see some of the early errors in your work.

There are several spelling errors in your work, most of which have already been dealt with by the other users at this forum. So I will move on to other aspects for review in your work.

You are trying to use common English expressions in your work but it does not come across as natural because you are not properly forming the phrases:

- we have an access to = we have access to
- can not = cannot (negative form of can)

Let us also consider your formal language presentation errors:
- The reason why = The reason
- It's = It is (contractions are avoided in academic writing)

Your conclusion does not represent a discussion recap. Therefore, it is not format compliant with regards to the required elements of a concluding paragraph:
- Topic restatement
- Opinion
- Reason
- Closing sentence

Home / Writing Feedback / Essays about benefits of smartphone