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Benefits of Student Exchange - This is my ielts writing task 2


eubyo 1 / -  
Jan 23, 2021   #1
SOME EDUCATIONALISTS THINK THAT INTERNATIONAL STUDENT EXCHANGE WILL BENEFICIAL FOR ALL TEENAGE SCHOOL STUDENTS.

DO YOU THINK IT'S ADVANTAGES WILL OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?



It is argued by some educationalists that all teenage school students would benefit a great deal from foreign programmes, albeit with some drawbacks of this idea, I opine that the benefits are far more significant.

On the one hand, teenage students face many downsides of engaging in international exchange project. The first disadvantage is culture shock. Exchange students might face the challenge of adapting to traditional beliefs and social customs, which could give rise to misunderstandings in social etiquette and norms. Consequently, they would incur tension and conflicts that are difficult for them to wrestle with a problem. Another downside is that many students are unable to read their international programmes by virtue of the difference of languages which makes the subjects become more elusive for them. Take me as an example, I was struggling to catch up with the first academic year of international programme due to poor language skills. It took me more than 5 months and cost a substantial amount of money to resit the exam.

In my opinion, however, the benefits of international student exchange are deemed to be more significant than the drawbacks. Firstly, It is an opportunity that arises for them when they can cultivate their knowledge and social skills, the things that they might have not chance to learn in their home country. For instance, Education System in Vietnam believes that theoretical knowledge takes precedence over practical skills shown to cause many pressures on students. Secondly, It is common knowledge that they would be more well informed about different cultures when exchange students could gain valuable experiences in lieu of learning from newspapers and social media. Finally, international student exchange is a real asset for them to be more self-reliant and resourceful. This is because without daily support from their parents, those students have to manage their budgets and make their own decisions.

In conclusion, although exchange students might have difficulties adapting to the new culture and following international school curricula , there is a myriad of benefits that I believe it does outweigh those drawbacks.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,324 3356  
Jan 24, 2021   #2
The first sentence of your prompt restatement is not going to get you a good TA and GRA score. You have created a confusing run-on sentence there which tries to combine all 2 ideas from the original prompt in a single sentence. Clarity is always the most important aspect of every sentence and paragraph presentation in this test. Separate those ideas into at least 2 sentences. The sentences should contain:

Sentence 1: The restated topic (SOME EDUCATIONALISTS ... TEENAGE SCHOOL STUDENTS.)
Sentence 2: Discussion instruction response (DO YOU THINK ...THE DISADVANTAGES?)

If you divide your original presentation into 2 sentences, you should see the clarity set into the represented prompt:

It is argued by some educationalists that all teenage school students would benefit a great deal from foreign programmes. Albeit with some drawbacks of this idea, I opine that the benefits are far more significant.

Do you see how the pause, created by the period, allows you better read the sentences? It gives you, as a reader, a better sense of what each sentence is discussing and why it is important to be discussed. That is how you create a clear, cohesive, and coherent prompt restatement.

Do not use "On the one hand" if you not writing a comparative essay. It is silly to say "on the one hand" if you cannot say "on the other hand" in the next paragraph. It negates the comparative representation you were aiming for. It would be better instead, to use a personal opinion reference such as "From what I understand..." or "Based on what I know about exchange programmes..." Since the instruction is asking for your personal opinion regarding the advantages and disadvantages.

The concluding sentence again, suffers from the same problem as the opening sentence. I have already shown you how that error can be corrected. I hope you apply it in your future writings.


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