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The Benefits of Televising Government Proceedings.


tingingforever 1 / 2  
Jul 21, 2010   #1
My GRE ISSUE 108!~! This is my first THREAD on essayforum, so thank you@_@!!
and maybe 13??days later I will take the GRE composition test...I'm not even well prepared. Any way I'm going to strive for my best IN the exam.

TOPIC: ISSUE108 - "In many countries it is now possible to turn on the television and view government at work. Watching these proceedings can help people understand the issues that affect their lives. The more kinds of government proceedings-trials, debates, meetings, etc-that are televised, the more society will benefit."

WORDS: 475 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2010/7/22 1:32:18

It is true that citizens are going to benefit a lot from the disclosure of government information such as the proceedings-trials, debates, meetings, etc. I fundamentally agree with author's claim. Simultaneously, I think there is not only television but also other ways we can get informed with the process of government issues as well.

With the development of high technology and the boost of people's living standard, more families and individuals are competent to afford to buy televisions. It is possible for us to get closer to the issues that affect our lives conveniently and fast.

The disclosure of government works is going to bring following benefits as far as I'm concerned.

Firstly, to a great extent, the phenomena of corruption will be less under the surveillance of people. As China government claims, CPC (People's Republic of China is in charge of CPC) members should serve Chinese people heart and soul. Regarding our people as the parents and also because of the disclosure our officials will be afraid of being discovered that they have deceive the people, which act as the axiom fit in every country.

Secondly, this great trial enables individuals to intervene and participate in the issues of government. They are more like a leader of themselves instead of the blind under the guidance of officials before information had been publicized on TV. Their destinies are in their own hands.

Additionally, as someone puts it, the point of open information is not to expose the problem, but to settle it. Since we can find more problems in working, it makes it possible for us to build a better society.

The above three facts interact with each other and finally create peaceful atmosphere of country.

Admittedly, absolute transparent information will lead inexorably to troubles. In my country, once there was a man who set fire to the local government building. Some days earlier he learned from the television that his apartment was going to be pulled down to build a new shopping mall. And maybe it will be hard work for the citizens to figure out the essence of government's actual work because what they are informed through TV is too superficial.

However, the trend of times forces government to disclose its work to public in order to make their work more effective and closer to people's life. The advantages far over weigh the disadvantages.

Our ways to communicate and obtain messages keep up with the advance of technology, and television is the invention from a distant period. It's not new. What is popular now is computer, Internet, and among this lays the twitter and YouTube, etc. Many officials of Taiwan, one province of China, have registered twitter account to communicate with their supporters and help them to understand the issues that affect their lives. These methods provide colorful and vibrant communicational atmosphere of government work. And I have faith that the day that our prime minister has his own blog is getting nearer.

In sum, the proposals or even the phenomena to disclose the government issues on the TV are a good way to bond cold government with people. Both the people and government can benefit from them. But if there are more ways, isn't it better?
rajeshaaidu 2 / 31  
Jul 22, 2010   #2
Dear _______??

First mistake that you have committed while writing your essay is that you have not followed any form or structure. Because of which, you have not been able to translate your ideas into words. I can understand that you are having very less time left for practice, but you can try my notes, which I have prepared while preparing for the GRE. You are not having much time left, so don't concentrate on writing on many topics, instead try to get the elementary principle of composition right. Don't worry about ideas, they will pop up in your brain during examination, but you should be able to put your ideas in a better way on the paper.

I will not put the whole notes here. Please send a mail to me on rajesh_aaidu@yahoo.co.in and give a reminder, because I don't use to check mail often. If possible please put your name!!!

Best wishes,
Rajesh
OP tingingforever 1 / 2  
Jul 22, 2010   #3
Hi, Rajesh, thanks for your suggestions! I've send a mail to you~ please check your email box..

But there are some questions. If I use some of the model form, I'm afraid of being told "copy"... I duno what to do.

tingingforever
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 24, 2010   #4
Here are some grammar corrections:
Firstly, to a great extent, the phenomena of corruption will be lessened due to the surveillance of people. As China's government claims...

When I think about the structure of the essay, I look to the last sentence of the first paragraph. This is where you "get to the point." You write:

Simultaneously, I think there is not only television but also other ways we can get informed with the process of government issues as well.--- this is a good sentence, and it makes me think you are going to talk about other ways people can get information.

Our ways to communicate and obtain messages keep up changing according to the advances of technology, and television is the invention from a distant period in our past.

According to the advice of Rajesh, I think you can give good structure to this essay by using topic sentences. Google this:
How to write good topic sentences.

Write a good topic sentence for each paragraph to tell about the other ways people get necessary information.

Structure comes from a good thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph and good topic sentences at the start of every body paragraph.


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