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IELTS: Beside the internet's advantages, some people think that the internet brings bad effects.

royalnguyen 1 / -  
Jul 29, 2017   #1
Topic: Beside the internet's advantages, some people think that the internet brings bad effects. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

essay about effect of internet on our life

The role of the internet is today debated, with some claiming that it is really harmless beside its advantages. So I do entirely accept this, and I will explain why in this essay.

Firstly, I must consider the potential disadvantage of the internet's lure in modern society. For example, the relationship among most of the people in a society has become much more distant than in the past because a digital device with internet seem to be concerned as the best friend taken with them all the time. We can see this in a family whose members are no longer willing to compliment each other or in a group whose people are too busy using internet instead talking with each other. Furthermore, there are numerous examples of tension between digital devices and the internet, ranging from computer to laptop, ipad and smartphone. In these cases, the internet definitely leads to an emotionless world.

Another reason to be wary of this idea is the information. It is sometimes said that the internet is a source bringing people the large number of information in a huge range of fields. In reality, however, it is definitely not to be a reliable source because there are various drugging and corruption or unreal information from images to news or music is likely to damage a whole generation of the young. This causes social issues such as violence, evil, ,mental disorder increasingly common. We leave with the impression that internet appears to be a cunning demon eating human's heart as well as mind.

It is not to say that the internet is entirely bad, of course. There are some benefits in terms of fostering acquisition of knowledge. But to say that its force in society development is to ignore various problems it causes.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,857 4179  
Jul 29, 2017   #2
Gia, your opening statement does not accurately represent a paraphrase of the original content. Please allow me to show you a more proper approach to the given statement;

The internet is said to offer numerous advantages. Yet, there are some people who believe that the same technology brings negative effects. I tend to agree with the people who believe in the negative contribution of the internet to a certain degree.

I agree with the statement that the internet offers negative effects to the extent that it affect our social and family interaction...

Using the above example, you will see that there is an accurate paraphrasing of the 3 discussion aspects within the original statement. These are :

1. The topic for discussion;
2. The reason for the discussion;
3. The side of the discussion that I support.

Those are the standard information that is required in the opening statement of any essay. As for the body, you did a very good job of discussing related information. However, the conclusion, did not accurately sum up the discussion as it appears that you included new information in it. New information requires another paragraph for discussion and is not considered to ever be a closing statement. The closing statement is only a representation of the previous discussion. So the content has to be:

1. A restatement of the prompt;
2. Discussion points;
3. Closing sentence that repeats your position.

So your closing sentence should have been:

Even as there are reasons to believe in the advantages of the internet, there is truth to the reasoning that it also has negative effects. It continues to reduce physical interaction among friends and family members, causing negative developments in these relationships. . There are also proven moments of misinformation coming from internet sources. Therefore, the extent of my agreement regarding the negative effects of the internet are based upon these information.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jul 29, 2017   #3
Well done, you have answered the prompt thoroughly although some areas in terms of paragraph development need more rooms for improvements. Lets talk about the opening paragraph. In this part, it is always good to build background sentences linked to the topic, but sadly you have failed to do so. As seen, some phrases like today debate and really harmless are sidetrack. Not only this, the former phrase is commonly used in Students' essay, and thus is too fake for examiners. I suggest rewriting or omitting this.

When it comes to thesis statement, this essay leaves readers for nothing. A good thesis statement should guide the readers what will be discussed in the following body paragraphs. The phrases: I will explain why in this essay will not help a lot. For this reason, you'd better omit it.

The body paragraphs above are too bulky since they contain overwhelming information. Focus on one idea for one paragraph. You might start with a topic sentence followed by a simple reason to defend your claim and create an example by using journalis questions (5W 1 H).

What makes your essay different from the others is the way you present supporting details. Remember this. Hopefully this helps :)

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