Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


The best day of my life (so far) was. tell a story that allows us to experience your best day


siyuan12345 2 / -  
Dec 14, 2014   #1
For Virginia Tech.
I have exactly 300 words, and the limit is 250...

Thanks so much

March 19th, 2006

Finally the day has arrived. I have been waiting for this day for 10 years, and there is no way I could wait any longer. I've always wondered what it feels like to stand next to them, to talk with them, to live with them... Before I can only see them by flipping through old photographs and occasionally hear their voices over the phone. But now, I only have to wait one more day...

My grandma woke up earlier than usual. As I was walking into the kitchen, I saw her preparing my breakfast. I immediately went into the kitchen and helped her; I saw her eyes were flooded with tears and her hand shaked softly. I asked her not to worry because I will keep in touch with her often. She reminded me not to give them anymore stress and be respectful to them. I promised her and ate my last meal with her.

My aunt was already down stairs with the taxi waiting for me. As I put my belongings in the trunk, she handed me a picture of them and wished me good luck. I told her that I'll miss her very much because she took care of me for ten years while they weren't around. After we arrived at the air port, we waved our last good bye.

After eighteen hours of flight, I finally landed in JFK International Airport. As I was walking out from port 14, I heard "Hey Si Yuan! Over here!" I took out the picture and compared the figures in the picture with a couple standing in front of me; I was speechless. The 3 of us hugged tightly, refusing to let go. "Mom, Dad. I thought I will never see you again. I missed you so much."
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 14, 2014   #2
This is a truly creative story that relates your immigration experience. The problem is the lack of emotional connection and back story that explains why this is the best day of your life. I know you are worried about the word count, but prioritizing the count over the quality of the story is a mistake. Try to revise the essay by including the back story. Go over the count if you must. We can delete as needed. The important thing right now is to make sure you make this day leap off the page for the admissions officer.


Home / Writing Feedback / The best day of my life (so far) was. tell a story that allows us to experience your best day
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳