First for the grammar problems that need to be corrected:
and education is the most
decisive of them all.
- education is the most important reason of
- Your opening statement is too short. No paragraph should be shorter than 5 sentences. There is room for improvement in that regard.
Apart from economy
- Apart from the
Firstly, education has strong impact on the country's
Secondly, social services such as free health care and schooling indicate how well the government takes care of its residents as well as manages the tax system , which is to fund for those chargeless services.
services such as ...
is to fund for those chargeless services
- which funds the
Last but not least, social stability, which assures low criminal rate
To me, the most trustworthy indicator
among those mentioned above is education as it affects strongly on the other two assets
- ... is education as it strongly affects
industries to flourish
, thus the nation can trade with other countries and increases wealth.
- to flourish.Thus
, the nation... and increase its wealth
Furthermore, for a society to be stable, it is important that each individual is self-esteem
- For a society to be stable... each individual has a high sense of
Take Japan for example
, this country
- ... for example.This
the first time
resource is very poor, besides , it is one
- ... natural resourceswere
very poor. It is
one of the countries...
, but with the samurai strong-willed tradition that flows in each
- year. But
flows in each
of its person
- in each Japanese
Japan is now one of the most developed country on over the world.
- ... most developed country's in
I would argue economy is not the only factor to measure a nation's success
- argue that the
economy is not the only factor... used
Okay, the main problem I have with this argument is that you never fully explained why you believe that education is the best measure of a country's economic success. That should have been the focal point of your discussion since that was the whole premise of your introductory statement. Yet you failed to discuss that point within the essay. You actually had a very weak discussion about education and how it applies to your point of view.You need to strengthen that and discuss it in greater detail than the other aspects you presented. I suggest rewriting this paper with the new version concentrating on defending your education point of view.