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IELTS - the best factor to measure the status of a country is its standard of education.


Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
Aug 30, 2014   #1
Economic progress is often used to measure a country's success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country's success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

It is true , especially in terms of a globalized economy, that the welfare of a country depends much on its economy. However, I believe there are other factors to assess a country's success, and education is the most decisive of them all.

Apart from economy, how successful a country is can be measured in terms of its education, social services and social stability. Firstly, education has strong impact on the country's prospect since it bares the responsibilities for the quality of the future workforce. Secondly, social services such as free health care and schooling indicate how well the government takes care of its residents as well as manages the tax system , which is to fund for those chargeless services. Last but not least, social stability, which assures low criminal rate, is a key asset for the investors to decide whether to invest in the country, and therefore contributes largely to that country's global status.

To me, the most trustworthy indicator among those mentioned above is education as it affects strongly on the other two assets. An advanced education will assure a well-growing economy in the sense that well-educated workers are vital for companies and industries to flourish, thus the nation can trade with other countries and increases wealth. Furthermore, for a society to be stable, it is important that each individual is self-esteem and willing to take responsibility, which only occurs once people are well morally educated. Take Japan for example, this country was not an economically strong country at the first time, and its natural resource is very poor, besides , it is one of the countries that suffer most from natural disasters every year, but with the samurai strong-willed tradition that flows in each of its person, Japan is now one of the most developed countries on over the world.

In conclusion, I would argue economy is not the only factor to measure a nation's success ,and that the best factor to measure the status of a country is its standard of education.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 30, 2014   #2
First for the grammar problems that need to be corrected:

and education is the most decisive of them all.

- education is the most important reason of all.
- Your opening statement is too short. No paragraph should be shorter than 5 sentences. There is room for improvement in that regard.

Apart from economy

- Apart from the economy...

Firstly, education has strong impact on the country's

- Education has a strong ...

Secondly, social services such as free health care and schooling indicate how well the government takes care of its residents as well as manages the tax system , which is to fund for those chargeless services.

- Social services such as ...

which is to fund for those chargeless services

- which funds the chargeless...

Last but not least,social stability, which assures low criminal rate

- Social stability...

To me, the most trustworthy indicator among those mentioned above is education as it affects strongly on the other two assets

- ... is education as it strongly affects ...

industries to flourish,thus the nation can trade with other countries and increases wealth.

- to flourish.Thus , the nation... and increase its wealth .

Furthermore, for a society to be stable, it is important that each individual is self-esteem

- For a society to be stable... each individual has a high sense of self esteem...

Take Japan for example, this country

- ... for example.This country...

at the first time

its natural resource is very poor, besides , it is one

- ... natural resourceswere very poor. It is one of the countries...

year,but with the samurai strong-willed tradition that flows in each

- year. But with...

flows in each of its person

- in each Japanese ...

Japan is now one of the most developed country on over the world.

- ... most developed country's in the world.

I would argue economy is not the only factor to measure a nation's success

- argue that the economy is not the only factor... used to measure...

Okay, the main problem I have with this argument is that you never fully explained why you believe that education is the best measure of a country's economic success. That should have been the focal point of your discussion since that was the whole premise of your introductory statement. Yet you failed to discuss that point within the essay. You actually had a very weak discussion about education and how it applies to your point of view.You need to strengthen that and discuss it in greater detail than the other aspects you presented. I suggest rewriting this paper with the new version concentrating on defending your education point of view.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Aug 30, 2014   #3
Take Japan for example, this country was not an economically strong country at the first time, and its natural resource is very poor, besides , it is one of the countries that suffer most from natural disasters every year

An obvious example of this can be taken from Japan whose population has lived in poverty line and has suffered most from natural disasters

To me, the most trustworthy indicator among those mentioned above is
Given the evidence, I believe that education as itsignificantly affects strongly on the other two assets.
OP Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
Aug 30, 2014   #4
hello, thank a lots for your corrections , it's been very helpful. but can i ask you more about this piece of advice so that i can understand better?

I have with this argument is that you never fully explained why you believe that education is the best measure of a country's economic success. ... You actually had a very weak discussion about education and how it applies to your point of view.You need to strengthen that and discuss it in greater detail than the other aspects you presented

since the topic ask "What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country's success?" so i thought i shouldn't focus on how education affects economic success only? may be i've got something wrong here...-.-

besides, i understand from your advice that i should divide the essay into 2 para each focus on how education affects one particular factor right?

thank a lots!!

@eddies: thank a lots for your corrections
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 31, 2014   #5
The essay asks what other factors should be considered when measuring a country's success. You mentioned the education as a pivotal measurement of the economic success of a country. Which is why I asked you to concentrate on that part in answer to the prompt "Do you think one factor is more important than others?" As far as your introductory statement is concerned, education is the key factor in determining that success, over and above all other factors.

Yes, you can use even more than 2 paragraphs if necessary to discuss your point of view. But remember to connect how education greatly affects the other factors in order to prove that it is the most important factor in considering the success of a country.


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