Unanswered [25] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


What could be the best job in the world?


hieupm 1 / 1  
Jan 21, 2013   #1
Thank you for taking the time to look at this. Any critique is greatly appreciated.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- -----
What could be the best job in the world?
Chosing a job is a big question which everyone are asked when they jump into their real life. For each person, the term "the best job" is very divers. There are some people who want a stable life - going to work at 7o'clock in the morning and come back home at 6 o'clock in the evening everyday to get their monthly salary. But, there are also people who want to conquer difficult challenges for winning a great career. Follow me, "the best job" must make me flexible, matches my personnality, my skills and my interests. And, the problem called "money" is also important, "the best job" have to be affordable my life.

Fistly, I want to say "no one can be perfect" . Everyone improve themselves everyday. Me too, I must determine my personnal strength and weakness to find a suitable job. Studying in technical environment, I have opportinuties to build reasoning and problem solving skills. It's the very useful skills in society. Morever, I can work with tools and equipment easily and focus on the problem at hand. But, unfortunately, I have been lacking listening, speaking and working with other. "The best job" will help me to improve my personal strengths and correct my weakness.

Sorts of interested activities and subject also decide which job be good for me and you. I want to be able to communicate easily with the the people around me like a great presenter naturally speaking in front of many audiences. Travelling and participating in collective activities are interesting too. I could enrich my knowledges and acquainted with many peoplel. Working in the field of technology, in particular in the domain of IT is also a problem that I care. Simply because technology make life better, additionally I could utilize knowledge learned at university.

The most important thing that a best job could have is affordable a living. You won't work without being paid. Money isn't the main purpose of life, but it means the necessary tools to survive. Sometime, but not always, I use money to evaluate the job I am doing.

For example, I want to be a R&D staff in IT enterprise. In addition to research and development work, I am involved in many new projects to earn extra money besides the monthly salary. During these projects, I can also utilize the knowledge learned at school and study more for improving myself. Working in many projects allow me make friend with many colleagues. Sometimes, it gives me the opportinuty to travel around the world.

These are all my personal ideals about the problem called "the best job in the world". Try to match my personality, interests, knowledges and age with a suitable position is always my first priority. "Don't be afraid to venture out and try new things". What do you think about it, please share with me.
S_Choi1 2 / 3  
Jan 21, 2013   #2
I think your essay is pretty well organized but showing the more specific example of what you want to insist is only one think that you need to fix it.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jan 22, 2013   #3
Chosing a job is a big question which everyone are asked when they jump into their real life.

Choosing a career is a major decision which everyone has to make when they enter into adult life.

For each person, the term "the best job" is very divers.

The perception of " the best job" differs from person to person.

There are some people who want a stable life - going to work at 7o'clock in the morning and come back home at 6 o'clock in the evening everyday to get their monthly salary.

There are some people who look forward to jobs within their comfort zone. These people do not like doing jobs in far away places that affect their family life too much.
OP hieupm 1 / 1  
Jan 22, 2013   #4
Thank you very much, I'm going to fix it :D

Any comment?
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jan 22, 2013   #5
Fistly, I want to say "no one can be perfect" . Everyone improve themselves everyday.

I feel these sentences sound a bit out of topic. You should always keep your writing well aligned with the topic. The topic is about what could be the best job for you. So... here you better keep the focus on the job of your choice and link the rest of the ideas to that.

Also.... the topic title too sounds a bit vague as you have not posted the exact prompt... Always make sure you provide us with the topic title so that we can give you more relevant comments, :)


Home / Writing Feedback / What could be the best job in the world?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳