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Where is the best place for children to learn how to be a good member of society?

imagenius 1 / -  
Dec 8, 2016   #1
This is the topic:

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is needless to say that teaching children to be a good member of society is an important issue. However, where is the best place to for children to learn it? Is it family or school? I believe the answer goes to the former.

Family is the first small society that children are exposed to. This is the vital period to develop their personalities. Children tend to imitate people around them because they are innocent. Therefore, it is crucial that other family members should be aware of their behaviors because they are the models for the children. Parents should not only avoid making bad examples but also teach their kids to tell rights from wrongs. This is the precious time to cultivate their values toward the society in the future.

On the other hand, some people support the idea of that school is the right place to learn this concept instead of family. However, there are different kinds of students in the school. Children might be influenced by some bad classmates. If their parents have not taught them the right values in advance, they might not even know that they are making mistakes. For example, some kids might consider alcohol just another kind of beverage because they don't have enough knowledge to recognize the negative consequences behind. All their friends drink it so they follow. That is the potential problem if children are not taught before going to school.

According to the reasons above, I strongly agree with that parents should start to help their children to realize how to be a good member in society rather than let them learn it in school which is too late. After all, it is hard to predict what kinds of friends the children will meet in the future.

I'm going to take IELTS tomorrow OMG!!!!!
Please help me with my writing~~~~~
If it's possible please give a score you think this essay deserves from IELTS standards.
Thank you very much if you're reading this!!

Is it TOO DIFFICULT for you to grasp the concept of proper thread title?

krempetkov 13 / 29 6  
Dec 8, 2016   #2
First of all, I do not think your introduction is appropriate for the exam. I will suggest to use this rule :

- A background sentence giving some background information on the essay topic.
- A more detailed sentence linking the background sentence to the thesis.
- A thesis that presents your point of view on your given topic.
- An outline sentence declaring the 2 points you are going to use to support your thesis.

Even though, follow this pattern is not a must, it will definitely win you additional points.

Give you opinion at the Introduction, because this really easy the process of reading. Try to not ask questions in this part of your writing.

About your second paragraph, i belive it would be better to combine some of the sentences - in your variant, they are way too short and seem relatively easy - try using conective world, like "which", "that" ...

Also I think you have made several mistakes, but hopefully someone more advanced will be able to help you with that.

3-rd paragraph - again your sentences are from one type and don't look complicated enough. I don't think you expressed your thoughts in the best possible way and they are hard to be followed.

Good luck tomorrow and hopefully you will achieved your needed band.

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