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What is the best time for kids to take formal education?


yonathan66 30 / 27 5  
Apr 1, 2016   #1
In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight.

How far do you agree with either of these views?


Formal education become a basic need for children in this modern era. It is suggested for them to attend the primary education at four age. Others believe that kids need to start this in a proper time, at least at aged seven or eight, as their brain is ready to grasp much information. I strongly agree with this statement as children should spent much time for playing and developing their brain before they attend formal school.

Toddlers have to start their educational life at early age because they are able to gain lots of information in this age. According to Tokyo University research, children can get more than a thousand information during the age of three to five. In the other word, they can have great basic knowledge to sustain their future. As a result, most of them achieve high score in examination which also influence their next education level. However, I personally believe that children should not join formal education at early age.

Kids supposed to attend primary school at seven or eight age as they have to wait until their brain is ready. There are lots of knowledge which can be achieved before they join formal education. A research by UNICEF show children who join primary school at this age are able to answer basic question such as "which can be done or cannot be done" in better sentence than children who attend formal school at early age. In addition, kids who join school at seven or eight age will have many memorable moment which can influence their mind set. Gajah Mada University researchers says, more happiness can be had by this kind of student rather than student at four age. By spending much time to play with their relative can also develop their brain. It is clear that they should join formal education in this age.

Therefore, there is no doubt that children who spent their time to play with relative will be happier than those who attend school at aged four. I extremely believe that children can grasp not only knowledge about their subject but also about their mental. So then they can solve many problem wisely.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 1, 2016   #2
Yonathan, your grammar mistakes are mostly about singular and plural. Please be more aware about that, since grammar also the consideration from the examiner to reach a high band score. I think the flow of ideas is well-done. My suggestion is that you need to consider in your conclusion that you should mention your clear stance about the issue not just mentioning 'believe that', because a band 6 score of above in writing band descriptors mention about 'a clear position towards the issue'. For a breakdown of your grammatical problems, and corrections applied.

Formal education become

formal education becomes

at four age

at the age of four

children can get more than a thousand information during the age of three to five.

children can get thousands of information during the age of three to five

many memorable moment

many memorable moments

Gajah Mada University researchers says

Gajah Mada University researchers say

many problem

problems
bastian20 10 / 16 2  
Apr 1, 2016   #3
Hello Yonathan, actually, your idea is well-organised, but there are some mistakes about grammatical error. In order to give you another alternative to build the introduction based on your idea brainstorming, I am going to attempt for paraphrasing your introduction.

The one of the children basis need in this sophisticated era is formal education. Some people argue that they should study since aged four. Yet, others have different perspective, it is to young, the appropriate age for children to attend the class is seven or eight years old. I firmly agree that those should spend their children period to playing instead of joining formal school.


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