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[writing task 2]The best way for children to read books.

minhphuccttv 4 / 11  
Aug 24, 2017   #1
Hello everyone, can you help me to fix my essay?.

Some people think that it is better for children to read books and other materials that are educational. Other people think that children should be allowed to read whatever they like.

Reading for children

Books, which are saved knowledge, are very important to people, especially with students. Unfortunately, books aren't always useful, so some people believe that it is more advanced for young people read books and other material that is for training. Other people consider that youngsters should be let's read whatever they like.

In the first view, It is more useful for students to read books and other materials that are for informative academic. Educational books are very good for young people but children need to discover which thing they really like, it is more important than just following an educational system. Studying book always be used in school so actually, young people read them every day. It is the reason make bore for studying. Those reasons can harm youngster's dream, it may destroy young people's future.So read educational books is useful but it is not enough.

In other hand, people understand that children should be permitted to read whatever they want. This way is very good for students but has some negative effects.First of all, the content of some books may not appropriate to the age of youngsters. Secondly, a plot may consist of violent and aggressive scenes. As a consequence, such kind of books can damage children's mind and make them cruel.Those effects may damage youngsters' life.So in this opinion, it is very risky to allowed children read whatever they like.

In my opinion, I believe that young people should read whatsoever their parents allowed. Adults have many experiences about life so they knew which books are useful for their sons and daughters. This way is compiled between allowing and preventing so teenagers can read what they interesting but we sure the books are safed. I think that children will develop completely and strongly by this solution.

gongyoooppa 1 / 3 1  
Aug 24, 2017   #2
You said "important to people", so this should be "to students",too. Also, in the introduction you should not use "aren't" but "are not". This must be noticed when writing an academic essay. I see your essay has several grammatical mistakes, like: in other hand ( on the other hand) ; Studying book always be used ( Studying book are always used); It is the reason make bore for studying ???; read educational books is useful ( "reading" or "to read" instead) ; to allowed ; experiences about life (in life)......

It is obvious that you don't use the correct collocations for your words and your verb tense is also uncorrect.
Try to make progress, it is just my own point of view about your thread.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,860 2148  
Aug 24, 2017   #3
Phuc, your original prompt instruction is incomplete. What is the discussion instruction that you were provided with for this essay? Without that instruction, it will be next to impossible to assess your paper in terms of TA considerations. Bear in mind, the TA is the section of the scoring criteria that will set the stage for the passing or failing of your essay. So that is the foremost consideration I have when I consider how to advise you regarding your problem points and areas for improvement. Without knowing what the discussion points are for this essay, it would seem like you have a pretty good, but basic presentation of your discussion. It is one that can be considered as informative, to a certain extent. When it comes to the concluding paragraph though, once again, the same mistake has been made, a student has tried to pass off the personal opinion as the closing statement. For the umpteenth time, I will again say this, "No personal opinion can be used to close an academic essay." The academic essay needs to close on a recap of the results of the discussion. All the writing rules have indicated that a new discussion or a personal opinion cannot take place in a conclusion because the conclusion should never continue the discussion with new information. A concluding paragraph is so easy to develop. Just restate the prompt again, the discussion points made in summary form, and a repeat of your personal opinion. That is all that is required and isn't difficult to accomplish.
Elizabeth0606 1 / 1  
Aug 25, 2017   #4
You should use some words such as aren't, let's in an academic essay.
"books are very important to people" can be replaced by "books play an important role in learning". "play an important role" is good collocation. If you use more collocations for each topic, you can get higher band score.

"very good" can be replaced by "essential". you should use academic words. Remember this.
Why when you write books, "educational system" is mentioned here. It is not appropriate. You can replace it with "reference books".
"but has some negative effects": "but it has some negative effects" or "but it can cause some detrimental impacts"(good paraphrase for negative effects).

When you give an idea, it is essential to have an example of explanation, it will make your essay have more convince (my teacher said that).

(Good luck)

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