Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

The best way to educate primary school children?


hamzarayes 1 / 4  
Aug 5, 2011   #1
In some cultures primary school children work in formal classroom environments and have a large element of memorisation and practice of skills. In others, children learn through play in a less formal and structured environment.

In your opinion, what is the best way to educate primary school children?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Educational systems vary from culture to culture. In fact the difference is especially evident in primary school children. At this level of education, some schools prefer to provide formal teaching with a lot of practice and effort to memorize the content of a particular course. However, other cultures tend to have a less formal environment on which students learn mainly while they are playing games and enjoying their time. For me, I would prefer the latter, and that is because of three many reasons, namely it is less boring, faster and with the least effort and stress.

Firstly, when students play, they learn a lot of things (ex. social interaction) apart from the subject being learnt, meanwhile they still enjoy the class and they often feel very enthusiastic for the next lesson, this is because children will find the lesson interesting and less boring, just because they actually do not know that it is in fact a lesson, rather they think it is a game. In the other hand, formal ways of teaching get children easily bored; moreover, they will attend classes with much less enthusiasm.

Secondly, when children are comfortable and enthusiastic, this will not only improve their grades and achievements, but it will also provide a faster way of learning. Which I think wouldn't be possible by following formal norms of teaching.

Lastly, this way of teaching is beneficial to both students and teachers, who will feel more comfortable, with less problems in homework, students' compliance and grades; because now the students love school, thus they will make the best they can to get involved in the playing and the other activities.

To sum up, formal teaching might be acceptable in some cultures. However, I think that by withdrawing a child from the formal boring and stressful environment of classical school, and putting a child in a friendlier environment, will make children and teachers more excited and comfortable during the process of education.

can some body please check it for me , could I get a 7 bands score in IELTS with this writing?
ELTer - / 2  
Aug 5, 2011   #2
It is good, but I don't think it would receive an overall band 7, largely due to errors in punctuation and cohesion.
OP hamzarayes 1 / 4  
Aug 5, 2011   #3
oh really, that is sad, but what do u mean by cohesion, and how can i learn punctuation please
Geenesh 21 / 29  
Aug 6, 2011   #4
For me, I would prefer the latter, and THIS is because of THE three MAIN reasons WHICH ARE LEARNING THROUGH THIS WAY is less boring AND IS faster AS WELL AS IT CONSUMES least effort.

Firstly, when students play, they learn a lot of things (ex. social interaction) apart ...
- MAYBE U CAN USE FIRST AND FOREMOST OR FIRST OF ALL INSTEAD OF JUST FIRSTLY
- THEN, TRY TO JUST WRITE DOWN WAT U FEEL AND NOT IN BRACKETS - THEY LEARN A LOT OF THINGS SUCH AS SOCIAL INTERACTING...

UR THIRD PARAGRAPH HAS ONLY ONE SENTENCE. TRY NOT TO FINISH A PRAGRAPH WITH ONLI ONE SENTENCE. IT WOULD BE NICE IF U HAVE A TOPIC SENTENCE, SUPPORTING DETAILS, EXAMPLE AND A SHORT CONCLUSION FOR EACH PARAGRAPH.

PUNCTUATION IS IMPORTANT IN ESSAYS BUT I FEEL U HAVE A LOT IN UR ESSAY. TRY TO USE THEM APPROPRIATELY

GOOD LUCK :)
OP hamzarayes 1 / 4  
Aug 6, 2011   #5
Thank you so much that was really useful
OP hamzarayes 1 / 4  
Aug 6, 2011   #6
hey geenesh i tried to do some corrections:

First, children learn a lot of things such as social interaction when they play apart from the studying, as a result they still enjoy the class and will often feel enthusiastic for the next lesson, find the lesson interesting and less monotonous. On the other hand, formal ways of teaching get children easily bored; moreover, they will attend classes with much less enthusiasm.

Secondly, when children are comfortable and enthusiastic, this will not only improve their grades and achievements, but it will also provide a faster way of learning. Which I think wouldn't be possible by following formal norms of teaching.

Lastly, this way of teaching is beneficial to both students and teachers, who will feel more comfortable, with less problems in homework, students' compliance and grades; because now the students love school, thus they will make the best they can to get involved in the playing and the other activities. For instance, when students have an exciting experience during a lesson, they will go home and discuss it with neighbours, family and friends, as a result of that practice and appliance of the material they have learned is going to be instantaneous. Likewise, teachers will have better results with relatively less effort.
ELTer - / 2  
Aug 6, 2011   #7
Punctuation in that 'correction' still isn't great.

In terms of Grammatical Range and Accuracy, a band 7 "has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors," whereas a band 6 answer "makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication." To me, your errors do reduce communication at times and is a band 6.

As for Coherence and Cohesion, the answer still fits band 6: "uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical" as well as "may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately."

The answer, therefore, is still not an overall band 7.

Also, remember that the IELTS writing test is timed, so unless you wrote the answer in a time of up to about 40 minutes, you can't consider any score you get here to be a good prediction of how you would perform in an actual test.
OP hamzarayes 1 / 4  
Aug 6, 2011   #8
Thank u Elter for ur clarification ,, I only have 2 weeks to go, so I have to work harder. However, I did this writing in 29 minutes.

Another question please. How much questions do I have to answer in reading and listening to get a band score of 7?

Thanks for your time


Home / Writing Feedback / The best way to educate primary school children?