Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

the best way to raise children is to encourage them to be independent thinkers.


aqeel 8 / 25 3  
Jan 6, 2013   #1
Some people believe the best way to raise children is to encourage them to be independent thinkers. Other disagree with and say that children need to discipline in order to become successful.

During my thirty years, I have learned a lot of thing in my life, but perhaps the most important thing of them all is how to be a good parents. Many people believe that successful parents who is feed their children with organic food, and provide them with suitable health insurance. These are very great thing. Whoever, more importantly, parents are responsible for preparing their children for the future. Due my experience with four children, I prefer that children should be taught the discipline to be successful for the following reasons.

The first reason, children are not mature enough to practice the bad or good activities. Scientist refer that the children could be taught before their birthday. They notice that newborn baby can figure out his/her mothers voice. My sons were taught a lot of the right habits from his mother and me. So they are all intelligent children. For example, my sons were scheduled their day time for teaching many things such as bilingual skill, art, computer. A lot of time and money was spent to provide them with new technology to learn different sciences.

In addition, children never have any experience with life. We are passing on very materialistic era. There are many social, financial, moral problems which we faced through our life. If we leave our children to discover it by their own, they may encounter the danger cases. Some problem can not be solved with any thing such as the health problems. For instance, if they drive a car without any assistance, Probably, they make an accident. For that, children should be taught whatever they need to learn, before the practice it without assistance.

On other hand, raising children to be independent thinker is also important in some sides to built their character. Thereby they can to be a successful adult in the society. For example, parents should encourage their children to choose their clothes, books, and hobbies. At this way, child will be creative person where she/he will live.

Nonetheless, I prefer that children should be taught discipline in order to be successful because they are not mature and have not experience enough in life.

moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 6, 2013   #2
I have learned a lot of things in my life, but perhaps the most important thing of them all is how to be a good parents .

Many people believe that successful parents who is feed their

parents are those who

Whoever

However

Due my experience with four children, I prefer that children should be taught the discipline to be successful for the following reasons.

this sentence seems awkward!

children are not mature enough to practice the bad or good activities.

it should be differentiate/distinguish between

Scientist refer that the children could be taught before their birthday .

They have noticed that newborn babies can figure out their mothers' voice.

My sons were taught a lot of the rightgood habits from their mother and me.

So they are all intelligentchildren.

For example, my sons were scheduled their day time for teachinglearning many things such as a new language , art, computer.

A lot of time and money was spent to provide them with new technology to learn different sciences.

this sentence is awkward too!

We are passing on a very materialistic era

There are many social, financial and moral problems which we faced through our life.

If we leave our children to discover it by their own, they may encounter the danger cases.

Again awkward in the ending of the sentence.

For instance, if they drive a car without any assistance, they may have an accident

I guess that's how it is written!

ed to learn, before the practice of it without assistance.

Thereby doing this they can to be a successful adult in the society.

At this way, child will be creative person where she/he will live.

Awkward!

Nonetheless, I prefer that children should be taught discipline in order to be successful because they are not mature and do not have enough experience enoughinof life.

Despite the corrections I have made, I think there's a lot to change in this essay. A lot in the writing style. You might want to write the whole piece again!
lily2012 3 / 8 1  
Jan 6, 2013   #3
Hi~

Over the past thirty years, I have learned a lot of thingsin my life , but perhaps the most important thing of them all is learning how to educate my children .

Many people believe that successful parents who is feed their children with organic food, and provide them with suitable health insurance. These are very great thing....

It is a little wired. I suggest you to use the Google search engine to obtain related reference on the internet.You can find more appropriate examples,and avoid inconsistend control of structure and vocabulary. It's an effective method to imporve writing.

Good luck!
:)

Lily
lily2012 3 / 8 1  
Jan 6, 2013   #4
Hi~

Over the past thirty years, I have learned a lot of thingsin my life , but perhaps one of the most important things of them all is to learn how to educate my children .

Many people believe that successful parents who is feed their children with organic food, and provide them with suitable health insurance. These are very great thing....

It is a little wired. I suggest you to use the Google search engine to obtain related reference on the internet. Meanwhile, you could use it to check out whether your expression is appropriate or not. You should avoid inconsistend control of structure and vocabulary.

It's an effective method to imporve writing.

Good luck!
:)

Lily
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 6, 2013   #5
During my thirty years, I have learned a lot of thing in my life, but perhaps the most important thing of them all is how to be a good parents.

During my thirty years of life, I learned many things. However, out of all, the most important thing I learned is how to become a good parent.

The first reason, children are not mature enough to practice the bad or good activities.

The first reason is that children lack maturity to differentiate between the good and bad.


Home / Writing Feedback / the best way to raise children is to encourage them to be independent thinkers.