THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE YOUTH CRIMES IS TO EDUCATE THEIR PARENTS WITH PARENTAL SKILLS

Please help me point out some errors in my essay in IELTS Writing Task 2 and give me an expected band score for this mine. Thanks a lot.

THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE YOUTH CRIMES IS TO EDUCATE THEIR PARENTS WITH PARENTAL SKILLS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

how to prevent youth crimes

There is a fact that the juvenile crime rate is rising dramatically in modern-day society. While providing their parents with parental techniques would be a useful measure for youth crime reduction, I disagree that it would represent the best way to alleviate crimes in this age group.

On the one hand, parents play an vital role in educating their young children to acquire good virtues. Because most children are impressionable, they are able to imitate their fathers and mothers who are the closest to them in what they usually do on a daily basis and it is easier for parents to convey positive and desired characteristics which help their kids be less likely to misbehave during their childhood. As a result, children will have a proper awareness about what they should behave in society when they mature enough. Thus, I believe that parents armed with parenting skills will promise a decline in the proportion of juvenile offences.

On the other hand, schools should also have a complementary role to play. The first reason is that some parents are so busy that they barely have time to learn necessary parental guidances and then educate their offspring. Besides, children have to spend the largest amount of time at school these days, and hence are more likely to be influenced by their teachers or friends. For example, in Vietnam, a large number of pupils hit other ones in schools mostly because their friends ask him or her do. Therefore, education about the consequences one may face when committing an offence should be included in the school curriculum and teachers are to be trained about young adult psychology to help their students manage negative peer pressure better.

To conclude with, providing parents with child-care skills is a good way to educate their young into decent people; however, I am of the opinion that both parents and schools have equally important roles in the effort of preventing youth crimes.

for youth crime reduction for the reduction in youth crimes

the closest people to them

they are able to imitate ...
... imitate the behavior of others, especially their fathers and mothers who are the closest people to them.

Also, it is easier for parents ...

parents armed equipped with...

sorry im not a native writer, hope you dont mind if you disagree with my comments
i think the structure of this essay is good overall

Thank you very much!!!

Nguyen, the highest score you can get for this essay is a 5 because you did not properly respond to the prompt requirements. There were also a number of issues regarding your prompt restatement, as well as a confused presentation of your opinion. Let me go into further details below:

The opening paraphrase is always a prompt restatement. In this case, the issue was an extent essay so a strongly opinionated point of view is required for the presentation. The only available option is for you to disagree or agree with the statement using emotional descriptors such as "strongly, wholeheartedly, significantly, partially" to name but a few description words that could have been used in this essay. Since you decided to address both the agreement and disagreement in the essay, your appropriate opinion should have included the word partially in order to describe your point of view / opinion. Without the "partial" representation of your opinion, the essay should have been a single point of view presentation.

The first paragraph should have also recapped the original prompt restatement in order to prove that you understood the topic for discussion and instructions for the discussion. Hence:

There is a point of view that believes that youth crimes may be reduced if parents are properly educated in order to develop their parental skills. I tend to partially agree with this statement. I will support this point of view with reasons that follow below

Only then should you have proceeded to discuss both points of view within the "emotional" essay. By the way, this is always a 5 paragraph essay. That is the best way to achieve the maximum scoring effect based on all 4 scoring considerations. You also fall under the 3 sentence minimum in certain instances. There is a 5 sentence maximum in place for all paragraphs.

You could have also used a stronger closing statement based on a properly summarized discussion of salient points in the body of paragraphs. Using 3 reasons with examples would have been the best bet for your essay to get a higher scoring consideration in this instance.