Kim, while your second paragraph does present a negative light of the way group relaxation may not be the best way to relax, the fact that you based it upon common sense and commonly known information about how depression is heightened by group gatherings makes it informative and a good method by which to compare the two relaxation techniques. Let's face it, there will always be times when there is no way to sugar coat some information. It will come across as negative no matter what you do because those are the facts of the case. So don't feel bad about it or nervous. You did well by presenting an informed discussion to your reader. Now, for the grammar errors that I spotted (with some suggested paragraph improvements whenever possible) :-)
Pace is an essential element for people's lives. People live their lives according to their pace
and recognizing one's own preference is vital to reduce stress.
- Pace is an essential element that drives
people's lives. People live their lives according to their own
pace which is why
recognizing is vital to reducing
Often times I would also read a book- Let the reader get to know you, but not too much :-) Save some mystery for yourself. There is no need to present too much personal information in an essay of this general nature. Save those for your common apps.
, especially tragic stories of the genius Shakespeare. His words fill my heart with lament and sadness but also the sense of tranquility because most Shakespeare's plays turn tragic because of the main character's final resolution for their personal beliefs . Reading fictional characters risking everything for their own ideals is an ideal book for me which I enjoy reading. As anyone can see, all of my personal hobbies are private and discreet. Thus, I believe the best way to relax is by spending some time alone.
In fact, the method of being distracted is a suicidal plan because the stress never release. Instead, it compacts and swells, making it more difficult to ignore the massive amount of stress
all congregated like an inflated balloon. On the long run, the balloon of stress and anger will explode, completely obliterating one's mental state and causing them to act recklessly without thinking . They will get desperate to discard all this mental weight off and it could lead to the usage of drugs or perhaps even committing suicide. Such measures are inhumane and harmful not just to oneself but to those around them. Ignoring stress temporarily doesn't solve anything, rather it worsens everything which is why I would prefer to reduce stress by spending time alone.
- ... the stress is never released
... massive amount of stress increasing in size
the long run...
- It already understood that a reckless act was not thought about so there is a redundancy there.
... it could lead to the use
About your conclusion. It is not really complete. You need to restate that you agree that spending time alone is the best way for a person to relax, given all of the comparative reasons that you stated above. Aside from that modification in the content of the final paragraph, the essay really makes sense to read.