Hi, I just completed my writing task, and could you please help me? From grammer and structure perspectives? Thank you so much!
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented development of education in society, so that people recognize that it is pivotal to attend colleges or universities to prepare for the future career. There is no doubt that schools are making strenuous efforts to cultivate elites for the whole society, and to fulfill this goal, there has been an discussion on whether students should learn broad knowledge or one professional subject. I claim that students should study both of them, and attention should be paid in different areas depending on different stages.
Take myself as an example: When I attended my university, I was just a 18-year-old girl who had no command of university things. There was no doubt that I was so confused at that time that I could not choose a major subject for myself. I really appreciated that the department did not arrange any specific subjects in the first year. By contrast, I was exposed to liberal courses resulting in my understanding of a wide variety of areas, which was helpful for me. I believe that showing students with all sorts of interesting areas is quite important for students' cultivation.
When I reached the stage becoming the senior in the school, I was totally determined what I want to do in the future and I had a good command of the career prospect of my specific subject. Prior to the decision, I discovered that I did not have the stomach for Math and that I had a great interest in Political Science. Only after so many trials and attempts, students can find what subjects they really want to major in. In addition, specific knowledge is crutial for students owing to professional working skills required in the process of work. For example: I need to learn practical management skills and specific departments of the Chinese government to prepare for the future job.
To conclude, both broad subjects and professional subjects are significant for students, and young people should weigh the importance of those knowledge depending on different stages in their lives.
improved some of the grammar
Within the last few decades , there has been an unprecedented development in the perception of education in society,
so that people now recognize that it is pivotal to ...
... When I attended my university, I was just an eighteen year old girl who had no ...
There was no doubt that I was
so confused at that time , I could not choose ...
... is quite important for a student's cultivation.
When I was in senior year of school, I was totally ...
In addition, specific knowledge is cruc ial for students owing to ...