Please give me some comments so that I can improve my writing. Thanks in advance!
to live near parents when studying or not?
It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?
Whether students who have access to tertiary education should live from a distance with their parents or not remains controversial. While many people claim that college learners should not stay too close to their families, I strongly believe that living alone is more advantageous.
On the one hand, living at home with parents does wonders for students at the time they come to college to some extent. Firstly, those who learn at universities can focus on their study more easily without concerning too much about mundane life. This is because they can seek for help from their families with such things like household chores or shopping, which can save their time to spend more on studying. On top of that, it is safer to be supervised by parents, who would pull their children from worthless activities. As university is a completely new environment for those who just have finished their high school education, they tend to be appealed to something different, which can waste their time or even be harmful for them like drug and addictive.
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that staying far away from home is a better option which can prepare college students for the future. To begin with, learners who have access to university have to deal with problems on their own, so they can increase their self-reliance. To illustrate, they need to manage their finances properly to have a stable life, and sometimes it is quite hard to get support from their parents. Secondly, since college students often cope with struggles by themselves, they become stronger and more mature, which helps them to overcome bigger obstacles for the time ahead. For example, on occasion, they have to make decision about important events in their life without any advice from their families, that can give them confidence and determination.
In conclusion, although I admit that living near from parents when studying in college can be beneficial for students in some way, I do hold the fact that studying far away from home could have some positive impacts as my opinion.
I'll do my best to help you with your essay.
First and foremost, as I always tell students on the forum, straightforward goes a long way when you are writing. Being able to express your thoughts into smaller chunks will save you a lot of effort, considering that it will also enable you to think more thoroughly about the content of your essay. Doing this will help you sharpen your writing in the long-run.
More than that, evade using descriptions that do not serve you well. This can be an extensive list. Generally speaking, including words that are not academically appropriate or do not add depth to your discussion is part of this process. If you can eliminate these words, you will go a long way when it comes to writing. That being said, this does not mean ultimately omitting all of the adjectives; it just means being more strategic with what words you wish to incorporate.
Remember depth and clarity are characteristics that would go above simply prolonging your text for the sake of fulfilling a word count.
With these in mind, let's revise a few portions of your text.
... with parents
does wonders is beneficial for students at the time ... extent. Firstly, those who ... on their students can focus on studying study more easily without being concerned about day to day living concerning too ... life. T his is because they can seek for help ... with such things like household chores orand errands shopping, which can savesaving their overall time to spend more on studying.
which can ... addictive. wasting their time with harmful activities.
I hope this has somehow helped you. Don't be afraid to reach out. Best of luck in your writing.