Here are my vantage points about your essay. Chech them.
^_^one of human necessary
ONE OF HUMAN NECESSITIES. Please, you call attention to the meaning of your sentence. The major error occurred in the first sentence. It can represent your essay.I believe that become businessmen outweigh any drawbacks.
HOWEVER, WHEN THOSE CONSIDER TO BE AN ENTREPRENEUR, THEY HAVE TO FACE BENEFITS AND DRAWBACKS OF STARTING A BUSSINESS.
You are supposed to the statement. Please, you are not out the track.When someone has special skills, he / she can creates an own business. It needs much money to start it.
The first and second sentence are related. It is because you explained by jumping. There has to be smoother. Actually, you did not need writing the first sentence. It will only make this messy.
They must be brave to execute the idea and to carry out the business. They have to ready with all possibilities
It is still messy. I have not found a sense in your writing. Your flow is not good.
THE OWNERS MUST BE BRAVE TO EXECUTE THE IDEA AND TO CARRY OUT THE BUSINESS WITH THE CONSEQUENCE THAT THEY HAVE TO BE READY WITH ALL....
Miss Hikma, Almost all paragraph were unstructured. The main reason is that you explain your mind systematically. Your coherence is so far from what is wanted by band descriptor.
I am really sure you can pass this section well on condition that you wanna provide much time to read the examples. You need to understand the good flow and sense of the essay. As many as you read, you will understand deeper about the essential elements. There are a great number of websites which offers ease to learn the examples.
Don't think much. Action.. Action.. Practice more and more.
GOOD LUCK :D