It is better to find and install alternative energy sources rather than increasing the fuel prices

Please help to review my essay. I am targeting band 8 in ILETS GT.

Some people think that the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Environmental problems and fuel price

Over the last few decades, human impact on the environment has progressively increased by reflecting the several environmental problems. Growing rate of fuel consumption has identified as one of the fundamental causes of the constant pollution; hence many people opine that hiking the fuel price would be the best solution for control the current trend. However, from my point of view, incrementing the fuel price would not be the most practical solution to control the pollution in the prevailing situation of the industrial world.

It is true that the increasing industrial activities and proliferation of vehicles are daily emitting a vast amount of toxic gases to the earth atmosphere, which contributes several harmful effects to the echo system and public health. But, we cannot ignore the fact that fossil fuel is the primary energy source to the today's world, which playing a considerable role in transportation, electricity and several other major industrial sectors; therefore, fuel price increment can make a critical impact to the economy and subsequently to the social life.

In order to deal with the increasing industrial demand and comprehensive development, it is essential to look for the alternative energy sources. Scientists have identified several sustainable energy sources such as solar power, hydropower, biomass and wind power, to replace the fossil fuel with minor effects and more benefits. For instance, solar energy is one of the most reliable and renewable energy sources which can be converted into the several other forms of energy such as heat and electricity.

In conclusion, even though, the rising fuel consumption is making an adverse impact on the environment and public health, increasing the fuel price can result in several other economic and social problems. Therefore, I believe that the authorities should give more concentration to find and install the alternative energy sources rather than increasing the fuel prices.

thilini, your score for this essay will be a 3. That score is based on your inability to address any part of the task in a proper manner. The biggest inability on your part, was your misunderstanding of the prompt discussion instruction. Your lack of understanding of what type of discussion you were being asked to present led you to discuss a totally different topic from the one originally provided. If you look at the following, you will clearly see where your mistake lies and how you made the mistake:

Original Discussion Instruction: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Discussion Response: ... from my point of view, incrementing the fuel price would not be the most practical solution to control the pollution in the prevailing situation of the industrial world.

This is an extent of an opinion essay which requires the emotional response using the descriptive words such as "strongly, partially, and empathically" among other emotional terms that could be used to describe the extent of an agreement or disagreement. In your response, you merely stated your opinion without choosing a side to represent in a strong manner.

Your full essay discussion does not display a proper discussion in reference to the prompt. That is why your TA score will be a 3 and the overall score for your essay will also fall within the same bracket. You cannot be scored higher for this essay because you did not stick to the original instructions you were given. A prompt deviation such as yours will always have dire consequences if done on the actual test day.

Thank you very much for your valuable comment. I understood the issue and will try to focus on it. Your review is invaluable to me. Thanks again.