Unanswered [19] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

A/D: Who is a better leader, an old person or a young one?


ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Feb 9, 2015   #1
Topic: Most leaders or directors generally belong to an older age group, but some people believe that young leaders are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion

A lion army under leadership of a sheep is defeated by an army of sheep led by a lion. This statement shows how important the role of a leader in the success of a society is. However, who can be viewed as a strong leader? Can the issue be related to age? Some people are of opinion that experience would make old people more powerful and influential leaders, while another group of individuals are opposed to this thought. I also think that young people have privileges that overshadow their lack of experience as leaders.

To begin with, the main characteristic a leader, manager or director needs is risk taking. In critical conditions leaders have to make hard decisions regardless of the fact whether their decisions would close them to their goals or not. For example, when Gandhi, the prominent leader of India who was a young man at the time of the revolution, asked Indians to stop using British products was not really sure about the efficiency of this strategy. He had to face hard situations like increasing the level of poverty in India, but he made that decision because of his risk taking spirit. It is psychologically proven that old people are more conservative than young people; thus, they do not possess one of the most significant traits of a leader.

Second, a person who wants to steer his society or even his company as a leader or manager towards a better destination is required to be ambitious. Being ambitious can be translated to having great aims. Similar to risk taking trait, ambition is also lacking in old people. Young individuals are energetic and always have thirst for making changes. Young people know that they have more time in this world to make positive changes, or in other words, they have more hope to create a better future. Even though it is a poignant fact, we should remind ourselves that older people have less willingness to make differences in the society as their time in this world is passing faster and they must leave this transient life sooner or later.

Third, most of the social movements start from universities, where young, educated people are gathered. Such energy of youth must be guided to the right direction by a person who thinks young and understands young people. Who can do that better than a young leader? Nobody indeed. The Umbrella movement in Hong Kong led by a young university student is a clear cut example in this case. If the leader and his followers belong to the same generation, the attachments between them would foster more easily.

In conclusion, we need to believe in young people to take more managerial and leadership roles, since they are ambitious, energetic and risk taker, the features that make them strong leaders indisputably.

sambhavsh 2 / 4  
Feb 10, 2015   #2
I agree with the theme and the fact that you have linked the leader with management theme. In today's corporate world, we have entrepreneurs who are young and very able leaders like Mark Zuckerberg of facebook.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 10, 2015   #3
I would like you to reconsider your argument. While the young people do have the brash ambitiousness to propel their ideas forward, they do not have the proper life experience with which to make it a reality. This is evidenced by the failed movement on Hong Kong by the students. They did not gain the attention of the proper authorities, nor the chance to air their case properly because their young leaders did not have the life experience with which to deal with the political environment. What the youth lack is something most important in leadership which the elders possess, a sense of diplomacy, an understanding of social, political, and world relations, and the ability to understand that sometimes, meeting halfway is what is best for all concerned. Don't give me that line about the world being over taken by young people because of Mark Zuckerberg etc. That is a dream world. Look at the world leaders, do you see anyone at the age of 20 and above but below 40 leading a world economy? Are there true leaders in that field who can bring world peace, a stable economy, and true leadership to his people? Nope. That is because life experience, academic and social learning, are lessons that are learned and experience as a person ages. That is what makes him an effective leader and gives him the ability to succeed where the young leaders may fail.
kibz95 16 / 53 15  
Feb 10, 2015   #4
Hello Ahmad, its been a while since I evaluated essays, I'm back at writing more Toefl essays so I'll be counting on you and vangiespen a lot more so I'll be thanking you in advance!

I like this essay, as a young adult myself, I want changes that could create a better country for the children to live without sacrifices or mistakes caused by the dominant society.

In any case, the introduction is good, but rather confusing. The phrase,

A lion army under leadership of a sheep is defeated by an army of sheep led by a lion.

is pretty neat. However, I would like to point out the topic asked which leaders, young or old, are more effective. The phrase of lion and sheep doesn't fit in. Lions are the symbol of power, courage, and loyalty while sheep are the symbol of foolishness, immaturity, and in short, an animal that needs a shepherd to survive. There is nothing regarded about age, some sheep can be older than lions, and vice versa. I think you should reconsider your hook.

Second, your third paragraph is merely an extra explanation of your second paragraph.

Third, most of the social movements start from universities, where young, educated people are gathered. Such energy of youth must be guided to the right direction by a person who thinks young and understands young people .

That part highlighted in blue is really related to your second point which was about how leaders should be ambitious. you could have put the fact about universities and the example of Hong Kong umbrella riot in the second paragraph, displaying the fervor of juvenile opinion and power.

Otherwise, a splendid essay, well done, let me know if you agree with my statements!
OP ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Feb 10, 2015   #5
I would like you to reconsider your argument.

thank you Luisa for the new ideas you have provided me with, but this is just an essay and it is not supposed to be published anywhere. So, as long as I can convey my message and support it by some examples is enough. btw, do you ignore the contribution of Bill Gates or Steve Jobs to the US economy? What they did was a revolution in computer industries, which all done when they were young.

Another point about Umbrella movement is that you cannot expect all movements to succeed. I can name a very long list of old political leaders whose movements failed and they ended up with jail or execution.

which leaders, young or old, are more effective. The phrase of lion and sheep doesn't fit in. Lions are the symbol of power, courage, and loyalty while sheep are the symbol of foolishness, immaturity, and in short, an animal that needs a shepherd to survive. There is nothing regarded about age, some sheep can be older than lions, and vice versa. I think you should reconsider your hook.

Thanks Kim, hook gives a big picture about the topic. The big picture is "leadership", and in the thesis statement I mentioned "the age"

That part highlighted in blue is really related to your second point which was about how leaders should be ambitious. you could have put the fact about universities and the example of Hong Kong umbrella riot in the second paragraph, displaying the fervor of juvenile opinion and power.
Otherwise, a splendid essay, well done, let me know if you agree with my statements!

do you really think this part talks about risk taking or ambition? This paragraph is about the attachement among people who are at the same age group. Thank you anyway for the suggestions and I hope I'll receive your comments on my works in the future.

Can anyone help me with grammar or vocabulary?

Thanks
kibz95 16 / 53 15  
Feb 10, 2015   #6
Hmm, I just don't understand why you would put a third paragraph devoted to how universities are the place where young people gather which is why younger leaders are better since they are more attached. I understand the point, but I think its too trivial to be put as a independent paragraph. Why are the universities a likely place to cause a change? because that's where young people reside, right? Which directly leads to ambition and risk taking which these young people posses. I don't think explaining the location of where most social riots started will add up how juvenile leaders are more efficient.

To provide an example, In Korea, there has been a inflated prices over cabbages (the prime ingredient to make our everyday food, kimchi). Well, needless to say, the old women's who prepare the family food rioted like crazy. These women gathered in other's homes and discussed their plans and moves like a top secrete agency. I'm not joking.. this really happened.

What I would like to point out is, old people also have facilities they can gather and relate or as you mentioned, attach to each other. If you want to point out that younger people are more efficient leaders because they have a place to attach, I'm saying you'd get a lot of controversy.
OP ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Feb 11, 2015   #7
Hey guys, Please have a look at the following link, it is a very interesting talk about "childish thinking", it gives very interesting points.

ted/talks/adora_svitak

of course such topics are really broad and you can write books about them. Different people have different ideas and opinions, and as I said, this is just an essay and I might question all these ideas, I put in this essay, in a next word.

Hope you enjoy the talk
Cheers
Ahmad
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 13, 2015   #8
Ahmad, no, I did not fail to take Steve Jobs and Bill Gates into consideration when I wrote my response to you. However, I felt that they are not proper examples of young successful leaders because they both has something in common. They were both ousted from their respective companies due to their lack of management abilities. Steve Jobs, as we know, was famously ousted from Apple by the board because he lacked "people skills" which are necessary to properly motivate your staff and oversee a successful company. Bill Gates on the other hand, chose to "resign" rather than be asked to leave. After all, he still owned the company. Both of these men are examples how young leaders lack the ability to control, direct, and properly manage their companies due to their lack of experience and in effect, their young ages. That is just my opinion though. I am sure others will have a different take on the matter.


Home / Writing Feedback / A/D: Who is a better leader, an old person or a young one?