Hello Ahmad, its been a while since I evaluated essays, I'm back at writing more Toefl essays so I'll be counting on you and vangiespen a lot more so I'll be thanking you in advance!
I like this essay, as a young adult myself, I want changes that could create a better country for the children to live without sacrifices or mistakes caused by the dominant society.
In any case, the introduction is good, but rather confusing. The phrase,
A lion army under leadership of a sheep is defeated by an army of sheep led by a lion.
is pretty neat. However, I would like to point out the topic asked which leaders, young or old, are more effective. The phrase of lion and sheep doesn't fit in. Lions are the symbol of power, courage, and loyalty while sheep are the symbol of foolishness, immaturity, and in short, an animal that needs a shepherd to survive. There is nothing regarded about age, some sheep can be older than lions, and vice versa. I think you should reconsider your hook.
Second, your third paragraph is merely an extra explanation of your second paragraph.
Third, most of the social movements start from universities, where young, educated people are gathered. Such energy of youth must be guided to the right direction by a person who thinks young and understands young people .
That part highlighted in blue is really related to your second point which was about how leaders should be ambitious. you could have put the fact about universities and the example of Hong Kong umbrella riot in the second paragraph, displaying the fervor of juvenile opinion and power.
Otherwise, a splendid essay, well done, let me know if you agree with my statements!