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Writing task 2: It is better to live in vertical city than horizontal city.


thuhuyen461 4  
Jul 11, 2018   #1
Please recommend detailed score for the following essay. Thanks!

skyline towers or horizontal residences?



Some people think that it is best to live in a horizontal city while others think of a vertical city. Discuss both view and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words.

Answer

There has been a debate about whether horizontal city or vertical one is a better place to abide. While settling down in horizontal residence is commended, the opponents advocate skyscraper city. Although both kinds of residential properties serve a number of advantages, however, I believe the latter prevails over the former.

On the one hand, choosing a horizontal city as your residence provides you peace of mind. The classic house and lot packages in horizontal areas certainly ensure senior homebuyers whose dream is a retirement abode fresher air and greener space to keep their body and mind healthy. Also, they can enjoy a greater sense of community if newlyweds raise their young families in here.

On the other hand, vertical cities with an upsurge of highrises and population are recognised for its economy and convenience. This ideal environment substitutes roads that service horizontal cities for vertical commuting to reduce air pollutions, shorten the distances and preserve our horizontal spaces for agriculture and recreation. For example, Tanjong Pagar Centre, Singaporean tallest vertical city skyscraper, which attains the maximum efficiency offers residents with a complex use of housing, retail, office, hotel, gym and community space.

From my perspective, despite concerns about the resilience of skyline towers, the advantages of vertical city outweigh those of horizontal residences. It is clear that future overpopulation will outgrow globe's resources and severely contaminate it. Thereby, vertical city must be resorted to sustain ourselves.

Briefly, nobody can deny people increasingly tend to inhabit in either vertical or horizontal city due to various reasons. While vertical living boosts work productivity, horizontal neighbourhoods bond us together. However, it appears to me that vertical city will play a vital role as a future recourse compared to horizontal city.
Phuongnguyen256 1  
Jul 11, 2018   #2
properties -> forms
in here -> there
highrises -> tall buildings/ towers
commuting -> transport systems
contaminate it. -> contaminate it. with waste
Holt [Contributor] 1530  
Jul 12, 2018   #3
Huyen, there is no way of putting this gently. My observation is that you are capable of understanding the prompt question but, you are not able to respond in the manner recommended by the prompt. You must make sure that your thesis response at the end of the prompt paraphrase in paragraph one is always an accurate response or interpretation of the original prompt instructions. In this instance, the original question you were asked to respond to is :

Discuss both view and give your opinion.

The thesis interpretation that you wrote was:
Although both kinds of residential properties serve a number of advantages, however, I believe the latter prevails over the former.

Your interpretation was that of an advantage/disadvantage with personal opinion discussion instead of the more appropriate dual opinion discussion with personal opinion.

The correct interpretation of the original prompt is therefore:

There are some residents who opine that horizontal city living is the most appropriate kind of living arrangement. Others prefer to live in a vertical city. These two points of view shall be analyzed in this essay. I will also be presenting my personal opinion towards the end of the discussion essay.

Almost all IELTS test takers use the term "debate" to signify the form of discussion presented in the essay. Unless the term "argument" is used, all of the thoughts and ideas presented in the original prompt are based on opinions and discussions. Therefore, similar themed words (synonyms) should be used rather than the more controversial and exaggerated term "debate" or "argument".

Due to your error in representing the original discussion, your TA score will not be higher than a 1 due to an unrelated response to the task provided. You will be scored accordingly on the remaining paragraphs that represent the proper discussion method though. This would create the remaining scores for you based on the rest of the criteria:

C&C , 3 - You present individual ideas without really explaining them. You also fail to recognize that these are public points of view thus making it come across as part of your personal opinion statement which is supposed to be the last body paragraph in the presentation. These create unrelated discussions in a single prompt which leaves the paragraph lacking in meaning or connectedness in terms of the discussions contained.

LR, 4 - You are trying to use advanced English words in your essay but, rather than creating a coherent sentence, it usually comes across as confusing and stressful to the reader because you do not clearly depict the meaning of the word in the sentence being presented. An example for this problem is:

It is clear that future overpopulation will outgrow globe's resources and severely contaminate it.

- I do not think contaminate is the word you should be using here. However, I am not sure what it is that you are trying to say. I am sure the term makes sense and fits the description of your native word, but it does not translate the same way in English.

LR , 5 - You attempt a balanced mix of simple and complex sentences. However, you have a number of grammatical errors that make the paragraphs difficult for the reader to understand in the first reading. Several readings are required before the reader can fully understand what you are trying to say, or still be confused by it. This is because of the lack of coherence and cohesiveness throughout your paragraphs as well.


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