For your first essay, make sure you capitalize proper nouns and the beginnings of sentences.
For
however, place commas around it like this: I, however, will always continue to strive for new surprises.
I believe however, that one should not attempt to build ...
This sentence is rather long. I think your point got lost somewhere in there. Overall, this was a shady way to approach the prompt, as you avoid mentioning staying put or moving around. Although you mention that dreaming of going to the United States is a motivation for you, you place a definite main point that answers the question.
When we are children,[...], does not difine us as adults.
Again, you stray from the prompt. You say that turning 18 is NOT what makes people an adult. You don't present what does...
assumed it with the maturity and responsability the circumstances requeried.
This is closer to answering, but you still say it in passing. Make sure you give a stronger statement. Ask yourself, what do the examples I use show about my thoughts? How do these words build upon a central idea?
the event which happens to everybody [...] lives that makes us adults.
This should be the focus of this essay. Try not stray too much.
Many people state that the most common factor for telationship break-ups is lying.
... maintain that hey tell lies to protect the ones they love. However, I strongly believe that to have a succesful relationship with anyone...
Good you make a claim this time. However, some typos that are distracting I made
boldI explained her and it turns out that the part I said ...
This was the lesson you learned, right? Not quite. You don't say what you learned; you only state that this was what happened. Make sure you make your points.
For instance, when your mother asks [...] finish grounded for two weeks.
These sentences are filled with more information, some informal, but you STILL do NOT have a main point. You only present the effects of these scenarios.
Many people state that zoos [...] comfortably in their own environment.
Much better. Clean and well stated. I'm not sure if you intentionally did not mention the zoo part, but it works.
Many scientific studies have revealed the detriment that zoos have caused to animals.
just a note: try not to use so many helping verbs / passive tense.
Firstly <I'm not sure if this is correctly used. I just thought it was awkward>
captivate <I think you meant 'capture'>
In addition
to the previous point ,
want
ed assi
s t
Comments: improvement in the last essay is noticeable. Just a point, try to build on your conclusions, but overall, the last essay was much better.