It's better for students to gain real experience than to spend their time in classroom. Agree or not

I need some assistance with the following question:
It is better for students to gain real experience than to spend their time in classroom .
Do you agree or this agree with this statement ?Use reasons and examples to support your position .

my answer

In this day and age , It is a hotly- debated topic that whether life lessons or schools have more impacts on learners .Although, A large number of people believe that it is more advisable for students to go out and practice ,In my point of view, I partly agree with this opinion and the following essay will take a look at both sides of the argument.

On the one side , Real world experience is highly appreciated for its contribution to one's success . Firstly , If we dare to participate in a community service , we can have more opportunities to enhance our strength and fix our weakness .Secondly , Expanding the relationship or promoting communicative skills will not be an effortful problem .For instance , I came across and got on well with numerous participants when I attended a swimming club which gives me more confidence and tactfulness .

Thirdly ,we are likely to be motivated to accumulate and reinforce our knowledge . As long as we put our theory into practice or do ore experiments , our confusion can be solved and it is smoother to learn by heart the lessons.

On the flip side ,It cannot be denied that institutions play an significant role in laying the foundation for citizens to develop . To begin with , Almost every aspect of life requires basic knowledge of which are gained from schools . For example , Mathematics and Biology is essential to become an excellent doctor . In addition , Teachers are reliable and dependable to seek for advice as well as go over the assignment . Finally, Qualifications from universities and colleges may determine our future career .Pupils need qualifying so as to not only have satisfactory jobs and salary but also reach their dream.

In conclusion , Even though social activities provide us with precious experience which is crucial for being successful , knowledge seekers should not ignor ethe vitality of the classroom. Adolescences should both balance their schedule between academic work and voluntary campaign .

end.
I appreciate for all the feedback on Task response , Coherence and Cohesion , Lexical Resource, Grammatical range and accuracy . Thank you for all of you !

@meomun

Review the original prompt. There is no debate being presented. There are no 2 sides to the discussion presented either. There is only 1 opinion provided upon which your personal opinion should be based. The restatement is inaccurate as it shows a discussion not part of the original presentation.


This is not an "extent" essay, the opinion statement is again, incorrect. This is a single opinion, full (dis)agreement opinion presentation.


Incorrect yet again. This is a single opinion essay. It is not a comparative essay because of the lack of "compare and contrast" instruction. The discussion / reasoning focus is only on the support for the writer's idea, which is based on a "full" rather than "extent" response to the question.

Overall, the essays fails to address the prompt and question within the expected format and discussion considerations. The essay is not within a passing score consideration.

First, I think you should be more cautious when using punctuation marks and upper-case letters in your essay to make it more professional. Secondly, your argument's not clear and you provided weak evidence to support your view. It's not logical how you separated your essay. One-sided sentences should be in the same place.