Some people feel that boarding schools (where students or pupils live at school during the term) are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons. Consider both sides of this debate and reach a conclusion.
benefit from staying at school
Some people argued that children will benefit from staying at school, especially in today's fast-changing world. However, the issue is not entirely genuine and other arguments can also be made against the idea. This essay will elaborate both sides of the opinion and provide a conclusion.
Those who supported the boarding school mention various advantages can bring to students. These range from building independent skills to learning how to discipline themselves. For example, children will form surviving skill by living far away from their home, and not depend on their parents. In addition, if children lived closely with their teachers, it would form the intensive relationship between them.
Another argument is students who stay in school during the term led to several drawbacks. The example can be seen in major cities, where the cost of boarding school may be prohibitive. In addition, living with family, children will form family closeness between children and parents. For example, the parents able to see and control their children after school, and communicate more with them. Finally, it must be said that not all young people want to go to boarding school, because they have their own preferences, and if we forced them, it would be negative for their future because of learning without passion. For these children, boarding school should not be the suitable option.
In conclusion, it seems advisable that the decision to enroll our children in boarding school should be based on both children and parents preferences only. It would appear that boarding school will lead to several benefits in terms of independent skill yet it not the only one solution for all parents.
Thank for the feedback :) (do not hesitate to put score that you want)
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Aulia, somehow, your problem with properly paraphrasing the original prompt is proving to be the biggest problem of your essay writing. You still cannot represent the prompt in the correct manner based upon the first presentation that was offered to you. I wonder how many more examples of correct prompt paraphrasing I have to show you before you start to show some improvement in this aspect of your writing skills. Here I go again:
There are some children whose parents have them live in boarding schools during the school year. They believe that this is a good option for their children. However, there are some parents who contradict this stance due to a number of reasons. In this essay, I will be discussing both debatable sides of the issue in order to present a conclusion to the discussion in the end.
Remember how I keep telling you to present one reason and then fully develop that line of reasoning in the paragraph? I'm really not sure as to why you have great difficulty in doing that owing to the fact that you have 3 body paragraphs to work with here. This is supposed to be a 5 paragraph essay, you only wrote 4 paragraphs. You should have moved the details of the reasoning in the 3rd paragraph that starts with "Finally..." since "finally" connotes that you are discussing a new, unrelated topic. As such, it should be given its own paragraph treatment.
In my opinion, your overall score for this essay should be a 3. I am sure that I need not explain to you why that is. You should have been briefed on the scoring system for English tests by your current teacher or tutor. I sincerely hope to see you improving your writing style with your upcoming essays.
argued, argue that children will ...
---no need to use past tense here as this is true for all times. It is not that people argued the issue in the past and they do not do it anymore.
supported support the boarding school ...
--due to the same reason mentioned above
Hi, I'd like to make several corrections for you.
=> Those who support
ed the boarding (...) advantages thatcan be broughtto students.
=> ... away from their homes,
=> In addition, if children live
d closely with their teachers, it would will form ...
=> Another argument (...) the term lead to several drawbacks. => ...staying in school is to students' disadvantage/students who stay in school are at disadvantage
=> For example, the parents are able to see ...