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TOEFL ; What is better - More vocation time or More Salary?


Godiva 3 / 4  
Feb 27, 2013   #1
A job with more vocation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

A job with more vocation time but a low salary, admittedly, do lead to conflicts and quarrels between relatives owing to the thin salary, let individuals fail to satisfy material needs and even render people become lazy and cease to trying to make futher progresses. Ugly as it is, people fail to recognize the significant merits this kind of job brings out, namely, great emotional pleasant, a sturdy physique and higher efficiency when coming back to work.

The foundamental factor to explain my position is that a job with more vocation time but a low salary equips people with more opportunities to enjoy family warmth and make them feel more delighted. More vacation enables people to have a plenty of time to keep company with girlfriend or wife to go shopping, watching movies and go holidays. Also, people could have more time to help their children with studys and chat with them so as to eliminate generation gap. However, if people are occupied with numerous tasks and works, they can barely have time to enjoy the family warmth and even deprive their children of rights to acquir knowledge from parents. It is not hard to conceive that how regretful people will feel.

The additional reason for my choice is, I think, that only a job with more vocation time can make it possible that people are physically healthy. Sitting at desk for a long time will leave an ache in waist and back. The worst thing is they are more likely to ill in their backbone. Whereas once they have more vacation which they can govern freely, they can do some exercises, say, jogging in the morning, go hiking or camping, go swimming etc, all of which will enable them surdy bodies. Also, doing exercise can help people relieve stress, decrease irritancy and fly mood. There is no denial that only when people have adequate time doing exercises, can they be blessed with health physiques.

In addition, a job with more vocation time will allow people to reflect themselves, to relax themselves and to organize their life and subsequently, their efficiencies will be substantially improved. On the contrary, people always being busy with trivial things are easier to be exausted and bored, thus, they become slower with works. Besides, they are more likely to leave things in a totally mess and get crazy when finding something they need.

Although I agree that there may be a couple of disadvantages of the job with more vocation time but a low salary, I feel that the advantages are more obvious. A job with more vocation time provids a great emotional pleasant, a sturdy physique and higher working efficiency.
christyj 5 / 15  
Feb 27, 2013   #2
Hai..

I am not familiar with TOFEL.

Still, your essay is nice to read, good flow too.
In the inroduction of your essay, i feel little confued about our opinion..

Christy..
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 27, 2013   #3
A job with more vocation time but a low salary, admittedly, do lead to conflicts and quarrels between relatives owing to the thin salary, let individuals fail to satisfy material needs and even render people become lazy and cease to trying to make futher progresses.

I find this sentence is too complex and too long. That hurts its clarity and flow. What you need for the opening sentence is a more comprehensible statement that comes with a punch.

Ugly as it is, people fail to recognize the significant merits this kind of job brings out, namely, great emotional pleasant, a sturdy physique and higher efficiency when coming back to work.

:(
I think you better re-phrase this introduction. Pay attention to clarity when you introduce the topic to the reader and express your opinion abut this argrment.


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