Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

"Big Cat or Tall Story?" - A newspaper article for the local newspaper based on visit to the moor.

samuelchangjian 1 / 1  
May 1, 2016   #1
The instructions are all given attached below.

LINK: cie.org.uk/images/148846-0500-specimen-paper-2-2015.pdf ( question 1 )
INSERT : cie.org.uk/images/147698-specimen-paper-2-insert-2015.pdf ( the first insert )

Last week I went on a trip down memory lane to investigate a long-standing mystery. The sun was at its apotheosis, especially when it is on a November afternoon. I could feel the heat wave burning my flesh. I am desperately lost upon the unending scene of nowhere , there was nothing. I scanned around for any road signs that possibly offering directions.

A fleeting , shadowy movement by the roadside caught my attention and it drew out memories I kept deep within my brain - the Tales of the Beast of Bodmin Moor. Locals believe that this beast is in fact some kind of feline , an unmerciful, ruthless and dangerous feline. Despites of various persuasion and reports, the locals still sitck to their guns believing that the feared best isn't from around. The various accounts about the beast were also unaccurate, having heard the locals still hold their guns till today. Some claimed that , it kills with agility and stealth, it prefers speed over brute strength. Some say that is has a record of clean work, often devouring the insides its prey and rarely leaves tracks behind. Yet some say that it has paws with four long claws to kill a sheep.

My thought came to a sudden stop as I saw what appeares to be a huge, dark feline like creature crossing the road. I gazed, my eyes grew wide. This Thing in front of me has a malicious aura surrounding it, an aura so strong I can feel it within the metalic shell of mine. It's muscles bulged as it crawled, yet it's movement was like wind. Who said the beast prefers mobility. What I seen was a ultimate combination of a black, ruthless killing machine. It's pupils shone as the headlights hit it, I avoided the eye contact. My palms were as if was artificial, cold and unmovable. A chill went down my spine. I swallowed. I cannot forget the detail of this creature, it has pointy small ears , short coarse, charred coat, it's tail was of another creature. I could hear my heart racing, sweat pouring down mt forehead to me cheeks. The thing vanished into the shrubs aside. I couldn't believe that I had a close encounter with the embodiment of death.

Thus having this experience, the mystery still stands. I believe that some mysteries are not meant to be solved, which what give this moor the mystery fairytale atmosphere. I sincerely hope that the government would give a answer to the locals. However , if no answer would be provided, the beast will live on in their hearts . As one local states : " We don't want the beast shot, but we do want to acknowledge and kept under control so it doesn't continue to destroy our livelihoods. " So I guess this is what the moor will remain as .. or is it ?

PsS : well i honestly I think that i could do much much better in this essay, It's just that I lacked the various words for describing . I would sincerely hope that You all could throw some suggestions , I welcome negative comments. Thanks

TJLuschen - / 241 203  
May 2, 2016   #2
Edited - ok, now I have read the Passage A, which is what you are supposed to base your article on. Also, I now realize you are required to start with the "trip down memory lane" phrase, but I would state earlier why this is a trip down memory lane and what happened 20 years earlier. I think you have sort of rewritten the Passage A as a story instead of using to to write a newspaper article.
OP samuelchangjian 1 / 1  
May 2, 2016   #3
Thanks very much for your help! but doens't down a memory lane serves as an adjective ? but the incident happened in the present . ?
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
May 2, 2016   #4
Yes, but the trip down memory lane refers to the fact that she used to live on the moor 20 years ago. This is mentioned in the test material, but you don't really state it explicitly. So I was thinking something like:

Last week I went on a trip down memory lane to investigate a long-standing mystery. Growing up on Bodmin Moor, I remember hearing stories as a child about The Beast of Bodmin Moor, some dark, feline creature that devoured livestock. Though I had left the moor 20 years ago, the stories remained and seemed to have increased in prevalence over the past few months. I set off to return to the landscape of my youth and try to find the truth behind this legend. ...

Home / Writing Feedback / "Big Cat or Tall Story?" - A newspaper article for the local newspaper based on visit to the moor.