Prompts: Some people think it is important for all cities and towns to have big outdoor space for public use, such as parks and squares. Do you agree or disagree.
The following is my essay and every piece of advice is appreciated. Thanks.
At weekends, It is the normal scene in outdoor public space that kids play running and tag, teens do some ball games, young lovers lean against each other on a bench, or old couples stroll on the tree-lined pathways. The outdoor public space, such as parks and squares, is integral part of city and urban dweller's life, whose own prevalent presence speaks for its own significance.
First of all, outdoor public space, usually with a lot of greens, is good for people's health, both physically and mentally. Surrounded by all sorts of steel and concrete artificial creations, it is where the mass can have a close contact with nature, just like a temporary and easy getaway from all the seemingly unescapable hustling and bustling part of city life. The combination of a moment of quietness and a place of fresh air is always desirable.
Furthermore, outdoor public space is conductive to forming new relationships within people, for many gatherings and celebrations take place there. People from all walks of life have opportunities to take part in diversified conversations and group physical activities. Because of a similar interest, ideas can be easily spread and bonds can be smoothly formed among them.
Through a more widened lens, outdoor public space makes a city or town happier and more livable. Short-termism sometimes dictates the city-planning, causing public use land to give way to commercial use. Consequently, instead of a place for best livability, the city becomes a big showcase of modern technology and commercialization, which could not be more wrong. It is public space that cements every community and eventually molds the whole city into a healthy and strong organism.
Given those points, be it a metropolis or little town, outdoor space for public use of a proportional scale is always a must in the best interest of every individual and the city or town as a whole in the long run.
Because of a similar interest, ideas can be easily spread and bonds can be smoothly formed among them.
this sentence is double verb without any conjunction.
it is where the mass can have a close contact with nature, just like a temporary and easy getaway from all the seemingly
unescapable(inescapable) hustling and bustling part of city life. (many verbs but one conjunction) The combination of a moment of quietness and a place of fresh air isare always desirable.
Your writing skills is far better than mine, but I still want to point out something that I reckon to be necessary for your next essay. Take it with a grain of salt.
1. The outdoor public space, such as parks and squares, is an integral part of city and urban dweller's life, whose own prevalent presence speaks for its own significance. While, this sentence insinuates that you agree with the statement, but I would prefer you to be more specific. Basically, attempt to straightforwardly tell the rater that you actually agree. This can be done by utilizing the conventional method which is I am personally persuaded, I have a robust belief or I absolutely agree e.t.c
2. I am pretty sure, you are capable of improvising some examples. Let's say in your first body paragraph, you could have written that your dad tends to go to the park to inhale fresh air after a day of working hard. This also applies to the rest of your arguments!