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Ielts writing task 2 - Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.


krempetkov 13 / 29 6  
Nov 27, 2016   #1
I know most of the points presented in the essay are not very logical, but that is not the main problem - I think especially in this essay the word usage and the logical connections between the sentences is not very good.

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Do you agree or disagree?

Provide relevant examples if necessary.

In today's society the huge salary is a symbol of prestige and happiness. Even though, nowadays many people maintain the statement, that the big salary is the most imporrant thing in everyone's job, i think the satisfaction of your work is much more valuable. The main reasons supporting my statement are that, you can not buy yourself happiness, alongside that the feeling of achieving something that no one believed it was possible is incomparable to any tangible good.

Most of the people nowadays, spend 8 or more hours in their workplaces every single day. Basically, we work during 1/3 of our lives and we can not afford to exchange our hapiness, for just more money. Moreover, you can not buy back these 8 hours, even with the highest salary in the world and that is why people should focus on finding job that makes them happy and satisfied from their lives rather than working on something that is boring and depressing, just because of the better salary. With that said, many people prefer to spend a significant amount of their lives, complaining about their dissatified and not valuable workplace, rather than changing the environment in order to find a job corresponding to their real targets and dreams.

We all know that, the happiest moments in our lives, were when we have achieved something that nobody else believed it is even possible. That feeling of relish and proudness could not have been bought even with all of the money in the world. Furthermore, at the end of our lives we will remember just the experiences, which have evoked pleasant and therilling feelings into our minds and regret the time we have spent working for material goods, which at the end of the day are just useless tools. In addition to this, the satisfaction of achieving something valuable in our jobs makes us better people and build the foundations of one better and brighter future for us and our families.

In conclusion, i think that, even though the huge salary can bring some positives into our lives, the satisfaction of our jobs should be the primary reason for choosing our work places. This satisfaction effects your whole life and exerts a huge influence on your future success

septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.

(1) ... symbol of prestige and happiness even though nowadays....
or
In today's society the huge salary is a symbol of prestige and happiness. Eventhough nowadays, many people...
(2) that the big salary is the most importantthing in everyone's job....
avoid using 'thing' or 'something' in an essay
(3) The main reasonsfor supporting my statement are that, you can notcannot buy yourself a happiness...

(4) Most of the people nowadays, ...
(5) ...just because of the better salary.
article 'the' can be used for superlative, such as 'the best', but you can use article 'a' for 'better', such as a better salary
faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 28, 2016   #3
In today's society the huge salary is a symbol ...

1. Since this is the first time you mention "huge salary", you don't need to use the. Because if you use "the" it must be refer to the previous or it is already mentioned before.

Even though, nowadays many people maintain the statement, [i]without comma[/i] that the big salary is the most imporrantIMPORTANT thing in everyone's job, ...

2. You already mention in the previous sentence "today's society", so the next sentence already mean "today".

3. Important ---> typo

The main reasons supporting my statement are that, you can not buy yourself happiness,without comma alongside that the feeling of (...) it was possible is incomparable toIMPOSSIBLE TO COMPARE WITH any tangible good.

4. without conjunction because it is already has to be "are"

5. alongside is preposition mean "together" you cannot placed it before conjunction directly.

6. make your sentence simpler.

... can bring some positives into our livesLIFE, the satisfaction (...) for choosing our work placesWORKPLACES. ... and exerts a huge influence on ...

7. You are use "huge" too much: REPETITION. You can change with "EXTREMELY LARGE / BIG / ENORMOUS / HIGH"

8. live --> place to live . different meaning with LIFE.

9. WORKPLACE (WITHOUT SPACING)


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