Hi,
I am scheduled to take the English Composition Clep with Essay soon. I have been practicing the essay component by writing essays in the required 45 minute time period. Would it be possible for you to review my essay and offer feedback? Below is the essay that I completed within the 45 minute time limit. Thank you.
Topic: The 20th century has given us inventions that have changed our lives in many ways. Big inventions often overshadow small ones. Write an essay stating whether big or small inventions occupy a more important role in the daily lives of individuals. Give reasons to support your position.
The 20th century has seen the advent of many new inventions, from large inventions, such as the automobile, computers, and microwave ovens to smaller inventions; for example, liquid paper, post-it-notes, and headphones. Although most people in response to the question, "what would you consider to be the most significant inventions of the 20th century", might list large inventions, like computers, if closely examined it is the smaller inventions that most significantly impact the daily lives of individuals. Small inventions play a greater role in the individual's daily life for two reasons. The first reason is that small inventions can be adapted to a variety of uses. A second reason is that more individuals are likely to use small inventions. Finally, smaller inventions often do not require the use of other resources in order to be utilized. The ability of small inventions to provide individuals with adaptability, to be accessible, and to require little or no additional resources make small inventions a greater contributor to daily life than large inventions.
Have you ever used a microwave often for anything other than cooking food? What other services does an automobile provide other than transportation from one point to another? A small invention like liquid paper; however, can be adapted to meet a variety of needs. Individuals use liquid paper to correct mistakes on documents, to cover up stains on clothes, and touch up chipped paint on baseboards. Post-It-Notes allow individuals to visualize changes in a project without actually changing the document, as well as serving as a visual reminder of a task to be completed. When needed, Post-It-Notes have been known to tape things together. Smaller inventions are more easily adapted because of individual's willingness to experiment with the inventions possible uses; individuals' are not as afraid of damaging the product because replacement is readily available.
The smaller invention's accessibility is a second reason that it occupies a larger role in the individual's daily life. Because of its lower cost, small inventions, such as liquid paper are more likely to be used by a wide variety of people. Liquid paper is a staple in countries around the world; therefore, just the large number in use at any given time demonstrates its daily impact on the lives of many people. In comparison, large inventions, such as the automobile are not utilized by as many people which lowers the number of people who receive a daily benefit from its presence. Smaller inventions impact the daily lives of significantly more individuals than do large inventions.
Most importantly, smaller inventions require fewer resources than large inventions. Large inventions not only require the initial layout of capital, they also require funds for maintanence. Large inventions also require funds for additional inputs; for instance, automobiles require fuel to run and microwave ovens require electricity to run. Fuel and electricity are additional costs that the individual must assume. Small inventions, on the other hand, usually require no or minor cost layouts. Post-It-Notes requires the use of a writing implement, which is quite inexpensive and liquid paper requires no other additional resources in order to be used.
By their very nature, large inventions make significant changes in the ways that people run their lives. Computers allow individuals to do many things at home that in previous years entailed travel. While the impact brought on by large inventions overshadows the contributions that small inventions make, it is the small invention that has a greater impact on daily lives because they are adaptable, accessible, and self-supporting.
When you use a semi-colon, you are supposed to have a complete sentence worth of words on each side of it. so, in this part, you need to add some words:
...; for example, liquid paper, post-it-notes, and headphones.
You need to make it a complete sentence on each side:
The 20th century has seen the advent of many new inventions, from large inventions, such as the automobile, computers, and microwave ovens to smaller inventions; for example, liquid paper, post-it-notes, and headphones are small but significant.
But that is a lousy sentence, anyway... I think it is better with no semi-colon:
The 20th century has seen the advent of many new inventions -- from large inventions, such as the automobile, computers, and microwave ovens to smaller inventions, such as liquid paper, post-it-notes, and headphones.
put the comma inside the " marks, and capitalize What:
Although most people in response to the question, "What would you consider to be the most significant inventions of the 20th century," might list large...
In comparison, large inventions such as the automobile are not utilized by as many people, which lowers the number of people who receive a daily benefit from its presence. ---- this one is sort of awkward. I got rid of a comma. But... really, you write without much error at all! I'm sure you will clep out of the comp class. But definitely pick up a copy of Strunk and White's Elements of Style so that you can learn all the details of correct writing.
My recipe for paragraphs when you take that test:
sentence 1 the topic sentence gives the main idea. One paragraph = one idea
sentence 2 explain what the topic sentence means, just elaborate a little.
sentence 3 give an example and/or a quotation
sentence 4 give an evaluative conclusion sentence that says something about the implications of the statement made in the topic sentence or a transition sentence that says something about the topic sentence and whatever the subject of the next paragraph is going to be.
good luck on the test!
